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REALLY NEED HELP!!!

ParentingAutism

My 14 y.o is refusing to do school work in school. Teachers have been trying to encourage her and been trying to help a lot but she just won't move. She will sit with her head on the desk with her hood up. Teachers will include her favourite hobbies in her work and reward her by looking at them on the laptop when she's done. But instead she will look at them during breaks/lunch and during her lessons and when she is told to do work she will just refuse. When teachers try to take the laptop away she will just find another one then become extremely frustrated and upset if teachers try take it away again. I'm just lost with her behaviour... I need help. Anyone know how to help?? 

Thanks x

  • When I was 4 at school I was board out of my skull. At home I was watching open university lectures on the tv, at school I was being constantly scolded for being poor at the 3Rs. They tried to motivate me by sending me to the top oldest class for a day which was studying electronics but everything they were doing i’d seen already.

    home schooling worked for me. For some time my mother tried to do things the same way the teachers did, structured and ordered by the book. She spent so much time trying to drill mental arithmetic into me. Then we just skipped chapter one and went straight onto algebra and years later here I am with a PhD. It sounds like your child has an extremely inhomogeneous set of interests and abilities. Trying bribery won’t work. You simply need to skip the parts she won’t do. Come back to them later when she gets onto more advanced material that she’s interested in that requires it as a foundation. Because if she can see she needs it to understand something she is actually interested in she’ll put the time in. But probably not before then what ever you do.

    teachers generally don’t like teaching this way. It drives a horse and cart through the national curriculum and it’s more or less incompatable with a lesson plan where everyone in the class is meant to be covering the same material at the same point in time ... however for me in the context of home schooling it worked.

    yes her education will be patchy but that didn’t hurt me. I’ve a degree in mathematics, an MSc in molecular biology a PhD in applied mathematics and a job as a scientist... and i don’t know the 3 times table off by heart. I can’t say it’s particularly held me back.

  • in reply to ParentingAutism

    Yeh, thats why we didn't do on line as it is not individual . Gifted children  lose focus "whats the point of learning something you already now" The question is " IS the problem with your daughter ,or the unit ,i know any of my children would struggle in the wrong setting. 

  • in reply to mael

    My daughter was doing an online school as her mental health got worse... She was doing really well when we started that but the got bored of it and would no longer did it. She is a very bright girl and can easily do the work.

  • in reply to Plastic

    She isn't that chatty. She will speak to answer things but you can't have a full on coversation with her. She has 1 friend who she has always known and they chat sometimes at break/lunch. We have no clue what is triggering her unfortunately. She has one extremely loud boy in her class all day but break/lunch. It is quiet where her classroom is but she is in a PRU (pupil referral unit) so the main school is loud. (But due to covid it's been a lot quieter). When things do get tough for her she knows that the root cause for it is something that other people wouldn't get upset/angry/worried about so she spots how different she is and that no one will understand...

  • My daughter was the same ,teacher would give her sweets if she did the work ,that was at 5 they couldn't get her to do anything .So we home schooled for awhile ,tryed again when she was nine ,but again didn't work so home school her now. Which does very welI  ,she likes routine and following rules so will always do work and is very bright .i know there is internet schools that work for some .

  • She sounds hyper-stressed and is desperately clutching at things she can control but doesn't really have the next step in mind when she gets control.      How chatty is she?     Does she talk to anyone?         Do you know what is triggering her stress?    Is it other kids, noise, chaos, uncomfortable environments, structure or is she hating not being included and spotting how different she is?

  • Hi ,

    I am sorry to hear that you're struggling with your daughter's behaviour at school. The following page contains a lot of helpful information about education for a child with an autism:

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/education

    This includes information regarding getting extra support for your child in their education setting.

    You may like to contact our Parent to Parent service who offers emotional support to parents and carers of children or adults with autism. This service is confidential and run by trained parent volunteers who are all parents themselves of a child or adult with autism

    You contact the team on 0808 800 4106. Please leave a message and the team will call you back as soon as possible at a time that suits you, including evenings and weekends. Alternatively you can use contact the team via web form: https://www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/help-and-support/parent-to-parent

    You may be interested in seeking some professional support regarding the behaviour. You can search for professionals in your area we are aware of on the Autism Services Directory: www.autism.org.uk/directory.aspx

     Our Autism Helpline offers confidential information, advice and support. The team can also point you towards local sources of help and support. You can call them on 0808 800 4104 (Monday to Friday 10am to 3pm.Please note that the Helpline is experiencing a high volume of calls and it may take a couple of attempts before you get through to speak to an adviser.

    All the best,

    ChloeMod