Yes, it is really confusing. Who wrote that famous quote, when you've met one person with Autism.......you've met one person with Autism. I hope that things become clearer for you and that ultimately the diagnosis serves as a way for her to understand herself better and as a tool to help make her environment meet her needs so she can flourish. Best wishes.

Thanks you for the links and suggestions and for the advice as to looking at autism as a  "difference" rather than a "deficit".

My wife and I have always pushed to try and get our daughter into activities that offered social experiences, and often found it frustrating when she did not show any real drive to keep in contact with any "friends". 

We always put it down to her being an only child and not having the experience of siblings that my wife and I had, her seeming preference to talk to adults...

I think girls are quite different to boys with autism. I think this is part the reason why a lot of the information out there does not seem to fit.

It seems to me (frustratingly or interestingly) that autistic boys and girls are different, but it also feels that our girl is very different to a lot of the other autistic girls out there. I guess that why they call it a Spectrum?

Thank again for the tips and for taking the time out to respond, it is greatly appreciated and is helping us feel less isolated in all this. Thank you. 

HI,

 my son was diagnosed with ASD when he was 9. He has stayed in Mainstream school and is now 15 and studying for GCSE's. I totally sympathise with the experience of looking for information and facing so much negative and worrying stuff. I said to him the other day that I wasted so much time worrying about things that didn't ever happen when he's such a great person.

We agonised about telling him, because we had so many of the negative associations with in our own heads. And then when we did till him I suspect it came across a bit as, well there's this thing wrong with you, but don;t worry because we can help you to 'fix' the things that don't work. He didn't really respond to this strangely! The best conversation we had about it followed him refusing to go on the Cubs bike ride, 'because I did it last year'. I felt incredibly frustrated because I (wrongly) assumed that he needed more social contact because then he'd learn how to do it better. But I woke up to myself and eventually was able to laugh about the fact that because I'm neurotypical I would do something boring again just because my friends wanted to do it - how weird is that? And because I'm neurotypical I'd spent lots of time worrrying about what other people thought about me and trying to please others, also very exhausting and somewhat pointless. Talking about it in this way as difference and not deficit really shifted the way we both saw it and he was much more open to talking about it. Recently I was having a hard day, and said something to him, along the lines of, emotions are exhausting arent they? He said, 'Well there are 2 factors that help me with that, 1 I'm a man, and 2 I'm on the Spectrum!' which made me laugh, but also see that he's happy in his own skin. Obviously I get that girls can be different in regard to the way that they experience and manage emotions, but I guess the point is that I had to let go of seeing the deficits so much, to mirror back to my child that he was ok just as he is, first and foremost, and then try to problem solve any challenges together. 

So protect yourself from too much negative info (sorry the NAS website can also be very negative - its the by product of campaigning.) Watch the you tube videos and vlogs by Rosie King and Purple Ella, watch the film Temple, about Temple Grandin's life and her TED talks, find out about Spoon Theory https://autisticmama.com/what-is-spoon-theory/ developed by a woman with autism and read positive stuff written by girls and women with autism - you could start with The Girl With the Curly Hair. Do not assume that your child with have mental health problems! You will make yourself miserable worrying about something that may never happen. There is plenty of information out there should you need it. But mostly give yourself time to come to terms with the diagnosis before you talk to her about it, and accept the difference and encourage the ability to tolerate being a little out of her comfort zone at times to learn new things. Good Luck!

Thank you so much for replying,

It is so nice for my wife and I to hear from you, and we so appreciate your taking the time to write something.

It is reassuring to know that other people are feeling, or have felt the same way that we are.

Thank you.

Hi 

I have just signed up i to this site and came across your post first. 

both my wife and I had to read it twice to make sure we hadn't written it s our situation at the time of the diagnosis seemed to be exactly the same. 

We went into over drive finding out all of the information that we could to understand what it meant and what we could do to help our at the time 10 year old daughter. 

Here are a few things that we have done that may help.

we read as many of the books as we could and we still continue to learn.

We joined the local autism support group facebook site

We spoke to the school SEN co-ordinator that has been brilliant.

We are on a 6 week course with cygnet parenting which is through Banardos 

Through the combination of the above we have also found that we can get some financial help through DLA (disability Living Allowence) we did not consider our daughter to be classed as disabled but according to the paperwork we have been given this to help towards the extra things that will crop up. this benefit is not means tested which means that we can claim it even though I have a god job. this benefit is also back dated to the date of the diagnosis.

We have also been advised to apply for carers allowance.

Our Daughter is very intelligent and is doing well at a mainstream girls school now. we were worried that she wouldnt get on well with the people at school, but she has made a good group of friends that look after her. 

She struggles with the social aspects of life.

we have found coping mechanisms for her to practise and things like fidget toys to assist with her anxiety's.

We have found things like socks without seems that  help with the sensory issues. 

We felt the same as you seem to be feeling when we first found out and didnt know how to approach the subject with her, but chose to be straight forward with her. we let her read the diagnosis letter and helped her with any questions she had at the ime. where we didnt have an answer for her we said we would find out together so she did her own research as well. 

We have found that alot of content online is either very medical or negative so we have strived to find the positive information and made her realise that the things she can do due to this condition are her super powers. e.g. her ability to study, her memory, her ability to see and solve problems in different way. etc. 

I hope something within this message has helped in some way.