• Replies 2 replies
  • Subscribers 68 subscribers
  • Views 547 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Introduction

NAS71227

Hi there. My 17 yr old daughter has literally this week been diagnosed with autism. Although it no great surprise it’s still a bit of a shock. I guess I am getting my head round the situation and th her behaviour now has a different meaning - if that makes sense. She has just gone up to her room clearly something has upset her. Usually I would try and placate the situation, but now I’m unsure CryI’m guessing she needs her space and will come down when ready. But I need her to know I’m here if needed. So many emotions  is there a good book for parents ?? That might help thanks 

  • Hi there,

    She's probably coming to terms with the diagnosis - and it does stir up a lot of mixed feelings. Even though it was a relief for me, there was still another side of my psyche playing "devils advocate" thinking I was mis-diagnosed, maybe I'd "come across" as autistic in my assessment because I was tired..... and how it wasn't fair..... all those kinds of things. It can take a while - and I mean a while - for those assessed to accept an autism diagnosis which confirms there is a very different way of seeing the world which will never change and that doing some things (like social stuff), which others (non-autistic) take for granted, will take a little bit more work. 

    I'm 5 months into my diagnosis and I'm still figuring it out. There's no quick way to work through this, I'm realising I'm having to re-learn things, and in some cases, learn things for the first time. 

    It will be a case of figuring it out together - and there will be misunderstandings because your ways of seeing the world are slightly different. I'm not a parent but from my own experience in disclosing to other people.... the same rules still apply, honesty, openness, letting someone know you're there for them, knowing when to "be there" and when to "step back", be forgiving if you're not always on the same wavelength.  My sense is that it goes both ways and those things, are a just little bit more important when working with the news of the diagnosis.

    If there is some kind of aftercare support from the organisation that provided the assessment then allow your daughter to make use of it when she's ready. I've had three sessions with a psychologist (something that was anathema to me years ago, because admitting I needed help was weakness) and they have been a huge help to me. I've got strategies, understanding and ideas on how to work with the diagnosis which gives me a better outlook on life and a reason to be more forgiving and accepting of myself and my odd foibles. 

    On books:

    I'd try Jessica Kingsley publishers which has a treasure trove of lived-experience books. They cover several topics, including autism, written for audiences of parents and also children/teens. 

    https://uk.jkp.com/pages/about-us

    Anything recommended or written by Temple Grandin https://www.templegrandin.com/ (scientist and autistic) is a pretty safe bet. Tony Attwood is another expert specialising in autism http://www.tonyattwood.com.au/ - some of his books can be heavy going - although I liked "Been There, Done That, Try This" https://uk.jkp.com/products/been-there-done-that-try-this which is very accessible. 

    Hope this helps

    Ethan

  • Welcome! That sounds good for both of you, that she's able to go take her space, and you're able to sit with that. I'm sure she knows you're there, it's probably harder to take her space safely than to come and look for support, it was for me.

    I'm AS and don't have kids but I'm sure there's books out there. Hopefully someone will suggest, or trawl some of the older posts or the websites for parents.