Help, really struggling with school

We are only two days into the week and it's two bad days at school for my son.

 

Mon- recieved phone call from support teacher in respite syaing awful day in some lessons, not sitting down, telling his teachers he's not doing the work, walking out of lessons. Didn't turn up at the end of the day to see her, to hand over his report card.

When i questioned my son about this he just says "i don't know"(which makes it difficult to understand the situation).

Tue-recieved phone call from same support teacher saying shocking day agian, similar to Mon behaviour. But their has been an allegation of racist behaviour from my son. Although she did not have any facts that she could tell me about. Other than something had happened and we will be called into school for a meeting with head of year and local police officer attached to the school????????

When we questioned our son about this allegations, he says he doesn't know what their on about, he hasn't said anything racist. His exact words"dun no". We know our son knows that making hurtful remarks about other people is not acceptable.

Support teacher is also saying that my sons time in respite class is now coming to an end, his behaviour has not improved during this 3/4months in respite. She feels the only option is to hand him over to head of year(which i think it's looking like him being excluded at some point).

She also said that my does know right from wrong but he is making choices to behave in certain ways and some of his behaviours he can control.

I know my son knows right from wrong, but have read through info relating to recommendations from the school psychologist, that my son lacks social communication skills(SCS)-aspegers. Is this part of his condition that his judgement is impaiared because of his lack of SCS or is he using this to be seen as the class clown(again seeking acceptence)from peers, this is a commom theme through our sons life.  

He does not act like this at home and he did not act like this(no where near to the extent in primary, we were never called in school to discuss his beahaivour or at parents eveing)at primary, i still have all his reprots.

But since he went to secondry school, it been a nightmare for him.

Report card after report card, meetings about his beahviuor, regularly i get phone calls at work from teachers in class asking me to speak to during class for his behaviuor they cannot control(is this right????)

Yet they have placed him in respite, concerned enough to have him see the school psychologist, the psychologist recommendations are SCS, support in the class room, support to settle into lessons. The school head of SEN was saying, no resources here, not enough staff there etc.

I have mentioned to the support teacher,that at home he spending alot of time in his room when he is in playing with his lego.

She said she as observed him in and around the school, she does not see a boy who is reverting into himself. As she very often see him with a group of friends, larking around, hitting each other and getting upto mischief???????

One thing i do not want to turn into is a parent who wraps her son up in cotton wool, because of the term lacks SCS has been brought into the forum. It will not do my son any favours in the long term, but i feel i am having to defend him(which i do see as my job, as his mum).

I suppose because of my lack of full understanding of my son's lack of SCS, lack of knowing what makes my son tick(at this moment) and lack of insight to what is actually going on in school. I actually feel really useless for him. 

           

Parents
  • Hi Jo and Jack, I am new here and just wanted to say a few words.

    A child can be put onto the SEN register for any reason. There doesn't have to be a diagnosis. A child is placed onto school action when the school decide that they need additional help with their learning, if there is no progress then they are moved onto school action plus which then brings in outside agencies eg educational psychologists, speech and language therapists, occupational therapists etc etc. If you believe that your son will benefit from a statement you can apply for one of these yourself. You do not need to wait for the school to start the progress.

    My son is 8 and was recently diagnosed with Aspergers. It was originally the headmaster who self diagnosed him years ago. He did this and then stepped back and did nothing to help him. I went to see Parent Parnership and they said that my sons IEP should have autistic tendencies on his IEP after reading information from the autism outreach team who had observed my son mentioned autistic tendencies, but the school would not acknowledge this just kept it to BESD. I got myself into a state and got the ball rolling and the GP referred him to CAMHS. Even though I never really had any concerns to begin with, during the process of the diagnosis it was as though I was the one doing the stressing while the school did nothing and I watched my son slowly lose all of his get up and go, he was so sad and there was nothing I could do to help him. When I tried to help the school with my sons outbursts by telling them what I had always done (strategies which I had unknowingly used all his life) I was just seen as asking for the moon on a stick?? and was pretty much told that without a diagnosis they would not be doing anything more than bare minimum? which meant nothing!. He spent a whole 12 months without an education because they were concentrating on his behavior instead of providing the support which in turn would reduce the behaviour. It was like banging my head against a brick wall. The SENCO is a star but unfortuntely the teachers and headteacher seem to be dancing to their own merry little tune.

    Is CAMHS involved? Are you aware that CAMHS can intervein on your sons behalf if he is struggling due to lack of support from the school?

Reply
  • Hi Jo and Jack, I am new here and just wanted to say a few words.

    A child can be put onto the SEN register for any reason. There doesn't have to be a diagnosis. A child is placed onto school action when the school decide that they need additional help with their learning, if there is no progress then they are moved onto school action plus which then brings in outside agencies eg educational psychologists, speech and language therapists, occupational therapists etc etc. If you believe that your son will benefit from a statement you can apply for one of these yourself. You do not need to wait for the school to start the progress.

    My son is 8 and was recently diagnosed with Aspergers. It was originally the headmaster who self diagnosed him years ago. He did this and then stepped back and did nothing to help him. I went to see Parent Parnership and they said that my sons IEP should have autistic tendencies on his IEP after reading information from the autism outreach team who had observed my son mentioned autistic tendencies, but the school would not acknowledge this just kept it to BESD. I got myself into a state and got the ball rolling and the GP referred him to CAMHS. Even though I never really had any concerns to begin with, during the process of the diagnosis it was as though I was the one doing the stressing while the school did nothing and I watched my son slowly lose all of his get up and go, he was so sad and there was nothing I could do to help him. When I tried to help the school with my sons outbursts by telling them what I had always done (strategies which I had unknowingly used all his life) I was just seen as asking for the moon on a stick?? and was pretty much told that without a diagnosis they would not be doing anything more than bare minimum? which meant nothing!. He spent a whole 12 months without an education because they were concentrating on his behavior instead of providing the support which in turn would reduce the behaviour. It was like banging my head against a brick wall. The SENCO is a star but unfortuntely the teachers and headteacher seem to be dancing to their own merry little tune.

    Is CAMHS involved? Are you aware that CAMHS can intervein on your sons behalf if he is struggling due to lack of support from the school?

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