Help, really struggling with school

We are only two days into the week and it's two bad days at school for my son.

 

Mon- recieved phone call from support teacher in respite syaing awful day in some lessons, not sitting down, telling his teachers he's not doing the work, walking out of lessons. Didn't turn up at the end of the day to see her, to hand over his report card.

When i questioned my son about this he just says "i don't know"(which makes it difficult to understand the situation).

Tue-recieved phone call from same support teacher saying shocking day agian, similar to Mon behaviour. But their has been an allegation of racist behaviour from my son. Although she did not have any facts that she could tell me about. Other than something had happened and we will be called into school for a meeting with head of year and local police officer attached to the school????????

When we questioned our son about this allegations, he says he doesn't know what their on about, he hasn't said anything racist. His exact words"dun no". We know our son knows that making hurtful remarks about other people is not acceptable.

Support teacher is also saying that my sons time in respite class is now coming to an end, his behaviour has not improved during this 3/4months in respite. She feels the only option is to hand him over to head of year(which i think it's looking like him being excluded at some point).

She also said that my does know right from wrong but he is making choices to behave in certain ways and some of his behaviours he can control.

I know my son knows right from wrong, but have read through info relating to recommendations from the school psychologist, that my son lacks social communication skills(SCS)-aspegers. Is this part of his condition that his judgement is impaiared because of his lack of SCS or is he using this to be seen as the class clown(again seeking acceptence)from peers, this is a commom theme through our sons life.  

He does not act like this at home and he did not act like this(no where near to the extent in primary, we were never called in school to discuss his beahaivour or at parents eveing)at primary, i still have all his reprots.

But since he went to secondry school, it been a nightmare for him.

Report card after report card, meetings about his beahviuor, regularly i get phone calls at work from teachers in class asking me to speak to during class for his behaviuor they cannot control(is this right????)

Yet they have placed him in respite, concerned enough to have him see the school psychologist, the psychologist recommendations are SCS, support in the class room, support to settle into lessons. The school head of SEN was saying, no resources here, not enough staff there etc.

I have mentioned to the support teacher,that at home he spending alot of time in his room when he is in playing with his lego.

She said she as observed him in and around the school, she does not see a boy who is reverting into himself. As she very often see him with a group of friends, larking around, hitting each other and getting upto mischief???????

One thing i do not want to turn into is a parent who wraps her son up in cotton wool, because of the term lacks SCS has been brought into the forum. It will not do my son any favours in the long term, but i feel i am having to defend him(which i do see as my job, as his mum).

I suppose because of my lack of full understanding of my son's lack of SCS, lack of knowing what makes my son tick(at this moment) and lack of insight to what is actually going on in school. I actually feel really useless for him. 

           

Parents
  • Hi again Jo and Jack

    How was your day and how did it go with the GP?

    Sorry my reply was a bit short this morning, had to rush off and do stuff - my day when I don't work but have tons to do!

    Anyway to answer your question, I think that at least now we now our son probably has ASD (and I am convinced even though diagnosis is not complete) I do feel we are getting closer to understanding him better.  I think the CAMHS therapy is helping but I really want him to get some specialist ASD help and therapy and just can't seem to find anything - have you come accross anything at all?

    He has a speech and language assessment coming up which is part of the diagnosis we have been waiting ages for so I will be asking them lots of questions when we go along to that!

    At least a lot of things are explained now about the way he is, he was always anxious even as a very small child, terrified of loud noises, used to rock and head bang to get to sleep, the list goes on.  What really annoys me is that all the " unusual" things he did we discussed with health visitors etc and no one ever suggested he might have ASD.  We even had an Educational Psycologist in to see him over the course of a few months back when he was in year 4, I even asked the question did she think he might be on the spectrum and the answer was no.  it would have saved so much heartache if we had known earlier - I guess you feel like that too?

    Sorry - didn't mean for this to turn into a rant!

    Does your son have many friends?  Ours has 3 good friends who go back for years and who we make sure come round regularly. Often they just play computer games or sometimes lego but its really good for him to see them.  He gets on well with his brothers and for that we are very thankful.  I do find any social events with people we don't know very stressful as he can come across as rude - head down, frowny face, and you never know what he might say that might not be very PC!

    Does your son ever talk about stuff you wish he wouldn't and get angry about it? Ours seems to like to argue about politics and religion and gets very het up about world problems and government regimes, he is obsessed with people in power doing wrong against the people and says some things that we wouldn't want him repeating outside the house!  Its fine with family and people who know him but I worry he will get into trouble one day saying stuff he shouldnt.

    The social interaction seems to be the biggest problem - he often feels people are getting at him or laughing at him - he was picked on when he was at the mainstream school and this lowered his already low self esteem - does your son have issues with this?

    Sorry - too many questions - please don't feel you have to answer them all.

    Hope you have a good weekend.  We are having a curry tomorrow - favourite with all my boys so should put them all in a good mood!

    Take care. Mary

Reply
  • Hi again Jo and Jack

    How was your day and how did it go with the GP?

    Sorry my reply was a bit short this morning, had to rush off and do stuff - my day when I don't work but have tons to do!

    Anyway to answer your question, I think that at least now we now our son probably has ASD (and I am convinced even though diagnosis is not complete) I do feel we are getting closer to understanding him better.  I think the CAMHS therapy is helping but I really want him to get some specialist ASD help and therapy and just can't seem to find anything - have you come accross anything at all?

    He has a speech and language assessment coming up which is part of the diagnosis we have been waiting ages for so I will be asking them lots of questions when we go along to that!

    At least a lot of things are explained now about the way he is, he was always anxious even as a very small child, terrified of loud noises, used to rock and head bang to get to sleep, the list goes on.  What really annoys me is that all the " unusual" things he did we discussed with health visitors etc and no one ever suggested he might have ASD.  We even had an Educational Psycologist in to see him over the course of a few months back when he was in year 4, I even asked the question did she think he might be on the spectrum and the answer was no.  it would have saved so much heartache if we had known earlier - I guess you feel like that too?

    Sorry - didn't mean for this to turn into a rant!

    Does your son have many friends?  Ours has 3 good friends who go back for years and who we make sure come round regularly. Often they just play computer games or sometimes lego but its really good for him to see them.  He gets on well with his brothers and for that we are very thankful.  I do find any social events with people we don't know very stressful as he can come across as rude - head down, frowny face, and you never know what he might say that might not be very PC!

    Does your son ever talk about stuff you wish he wouldn't and get angry about it? Ours seems to like to argue about politics and religion and gets very het up about world problems and government regimes, he is obsessed with people in power doing wrong against the people and says some things that we wouldn't want him repeating outside the house!  Its fine with family and people who know him but I worry he will get into trouble one day saying stuff he shouldnt.

    The social interaction seems to be the biggest problem - he often feels people are getting at him or laughing at him - he was picked on when he was at the mainstream school and this lowered his already low self esteem - does your son have issues with this?

    Sorry - too many questions - please don't feel you have to answer them all.

    Hope you have a good weekend.  We are having a curry tomorrow - favourite with all my boys so should put them all in a good mood!

    Take care. Mary

Children
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