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Help, really struggling with school

jo and jack

We are only two days into the week and it's two bad days at school for my son.

 

Mon- recieved phone call from support teacher in respite syaing awful day in some lessons, not sitting down, telling his teachers he's not doing the work, walking out of lessons. Didn't turn up at the end of the day to see her, to hand over his report card.

When i questioned my son about this he just says "i don't know"(which makes it difficult to understand the situation).

Tue-recieved phone call from same support teacher saying shocking day agian, similar to Mon behaviour. But their has been an allegation of racist behaviour from my son. Although she did not have any facts that she could tell me about. Other than something had happened and we will be called into school for a meeting with head of year and local police officer attached to the school????????

When we questioned our son about this allegations, he says he doesn't know what their on about, he hasn't said anything racist. His exact words"dun no". We know our son knows that making hurtful remarks about other people is not acceptable.

Support teacher is also saying that my sons time in respite class is now coming to an end, his behaviour has not improved during this 3/4months in respite. She feels the only option is to hand him over to head of year(which i think it's looking like him being excluded at some point).

She also said that my does know right from wrong but he is making choices to behave in certain ways and some of his behaviours he can control.

I know my son knows right from wrong, but have read through info relating to recommendations from the school psychologist, that my son lacks social communication skills(SCS)-aspegers. Is this part of his condition that his judgement is impaiared because of his lack of SCS or is he using this to be seen as the class clown(again seeking acceptence)from peers, this is a commom theme through our sons life.  

He does not act like this at home and he did not act like this(no where near to the extent in primary, we were never called in school to discuss his beahaivour or at parents eveing)at primary, i still have all his reprots.

But since he went to secondry school, it been a nightmare for him.

Report card after report card, meetings about his beahviuor, regularly i get phone calls at work from teachers in class asking me to speak to during class for his behaviuor they cannot control(is this right????)

Yet they have placed him in respite, concerned enough to have him see the school psychologist, the psychologist recommendations are SCS, support in the class room, support to settle into lessons. The school head of SEN was saying, no resources here, not enough staff there etc.

I have mentioned to the support teacher,that at home he spending alot of time in his room when he is in playing with his lego.

She said she as observed him in and around the school, she does not see a boy who is reverting into himself. As she very often see him with a group of friends, larking around, hitting each other and getting upto mischief???????

One thing i do not want to turn into is a parent who wraps her son up in cotton wool, because of the term lacks SCS has been brought into the forum. It will not do my son any favours in the long term, but i feel i am having to defend him(which i do see as my job, as his mum).

I suppose because of my lack of full understanding of my son's lack of SCS, lack of knowing what makes my son tick(at this moment) and lack of insight to what is actually going on in school. I actually feel really useless for him. 

           

Parents

  • Oh I am so sorry to hear he is having a bad week at school.  When our Son was in his mainstream secondary he would be fine when he was in the special quiet area (like your respite area) and they would see a totally different boy in there to the one in the main classroom.  this was because when he was in there he was relaxed, when he was in big class situations he would become very very anxious, and the anxiety manifests itself in the disruptive behaviours.  SO, without the anxiety, behaviour is fine, with anxiety behaviours escalate.  Unfortunately this then gets punished and nothing gets resolved,  they are not naughty, just frightened, anxious and confused, they need help not punishment and it can be very difficult to get this across. 

    Once our school had realised that our son was clinically depressed and probably had Aspergers they did do a lot to try and help - but it wasn't enough.  I cannot see him ever going back into mainstream (in fact I would not let him).  He is currently in the medical PEC which is supposed to be an interim placement.  Not sure what happens next but I would resist a mainstream school with all my might and home school if it came to choosing between the two (but I am sure it won't come to that....)

    Our sons previous school were supposed to have a special ASD unit yet they did not spot his ASD !!- it was only when we took him to a private counsellor for his depression (a consequence of not understanding what was wrong with him, combined with being bullied and a family bereavement) that she spotted it.

    Good luck with your GP appointment.  The formal diagnosis process is a very long winded affair but its worth doing as you need it to then get the support you need.  Has your son got a statement of special needs?  You don't need a diagnosis for this, but you do need the full support of your school,. we are part way through this process (it takes 26 weeks) another load of form filling and appointments but again needed if you want to get help and support.

    Someone who was extremely helpful to us and who was instrumental in us getting a place in the medical PEC for our son was the Head of Inclusion at the Education Authority office.  She was amazing and worked extremely hard on our behalf to help.  Its worthwhile contacting this department direct - google it for your area - rather than wait for school to do something.  I work in a school myself and so was able to get some advice from my Head Teacher which was really helpful.  At the end of the day our children are entitled to an education.  When our Doctor advised us that our son should come out of school because it was detrimental to his health it was the best thing that could have happened because it finally got things moving in the right direction.

    Hang in there and fight for what you think is best for your child.  Don't be afraid to go straight to the top, it can be remarkably easy to speak to those who are in a position to do something for you (and much quicker than waiting to be referred....)

    Best of luck

    Mary

Reply

  • Oh I am so sorry to hear he is having a bad week at school.  When our Son was in his mainstream secondary he would be fine when he was in the special quiet area (like your respite area) and they would see a totally different boy in there to the one in the main classroom.  this was because when he was in there he was relaxed, when he was in big class situations he would become very very anxious, and the anxiety manifests itself in the disruptive behaviours.  SO, without the anxiety, behaviour is fine, with anxiety behaviours escalate.  Unfortunately this then gets punished and nothing gets resolved,  they are not naughty, just frightened, anxious and confused, they need help not punishment and it can be very difficult to get this across. 

    Once our school had realised that our son was clinically depressed and probably had Aspergers they did do a lot to try and help - but it wasn't enough.  I cannot see him ever going back into mainstream (in fact I would not let him).  He is currently in the medical PEC which is supposed to be an interim placement.  Not sure what happens next but I would resist a mainstream school with all my might and home school if it came to choosing between the two (but I am sure it won't come to that....)

    Our sons previous school were supposed to have a special ASD unit yet they did not spot his ASD !!- it was only when we took him to a private counsellor for his depression (a consequence of not understanding what was wrong with him, combined with being bullied and a family bereavement) that she spotted it.

    Good luck with your GP appointment.  The formal diagnosis process is a very long winded affair but its worth doing as you need it to then get the support you need.  Has your son got a statement of special needs?  You don't need a diagnosis for this, but you do need the full support of your school,. we are part way through this process (it takes 26 weeks) another load of form filling and appointments but again needed if you want to get help and support.

    Someone who was extremely helpful to us and who was instrumental in us getting a place in the medical PEC for our son was the Head of Inclusion at the Education Authority office.  She was amazing and worked extremely hard on our behalf to help.  Its worthwhile contacting this department direct - google it for your area - rather than wait for school to do something.  I work in a school myself and so was able to get some advice from my Head Teacher which was really helpful.  At the end of the day our children are entitled to an education.  When our Doctor advised us that our son should come out of school because it was detrimental to his health it was the best thing that could have happened because it finally got things moving in the right direction.

    Hang in there and fight for what you think is best for your child.  Don't be afraid to go straight to the top, it can be remarkably easy to speak to those who are in a position to do something for you (and much quicker than waiting to be referred....)

    Best of luck

    Mary

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