Help, really struggling with school

We are only two days into the week and it's two bad days at school for my son.

 

Mon- recieved phone call from support teacher in respite syaing awful day in some lessons, not sitting down, telling his teachers he's not doing the work, walking out of lessons. Didn't turn up at the end of the day to see her, to hand over his report card.

When i questioned my son about this he just says "i don't know"(which makes it difficult to understand the situation).

Tue-recieved phone call from same support teacher saying shocking day agian, similar to Mon behaviour. But their has been an allegation of racist behaviour from my son. Although she did not have any facts that she could tell me about. Other than something had happened and we will be called into school for a meeting with head of year and local police officer attached to the school????????

When we questioned our son about this allegations, he says he doesn't know what their on about, he hasn't said anything racist. His exact words"dun no". We know our son knows that making hurtful remarks about other people is not acceptable.

Support teacher is also saying that my sons time in respite class is now coming to an end, his behaviour has not improved during this 3/4months in respite. She feels the only option is to hand him over to head of year(which i think it's looking like him being excluded at some point).

She also said that my does know right from wrong but he is making choices to behave in certain ways and some of his behaviours he can control.

I know my son knows right from wrong, but have read through info relating to recommendations from the school psychologist, that my son lacks social communication skills(SCS)-aspegers. Is this part of his condition that his judgement is impaiared because of his lack of SCS or is he using this to be seen as the class clown(again seeking acceptence)from peers, this is a commom theme through our sons life.  

He does not act like this at home and he did not act like this(no where near to the extent in primary, we were never called in school to discuss his beahaivour or at parents eveing)at primary, i still have all his reprots.

But since he went to secondry school, it been a nightmare for him.

Report card after report card, meetings about his beahviuor, regularly i get phone calls at work from teachers in class asking me to speak to during class for his behaviuor they cannot control(is this right????)

Yet they have placed him in respite, concerned enough to have him see the school psychologist, the psychologist recommendations are SCS, support in the class room, support to settle into lessons. The school head of SEN was saying, no resources here, not enough staff there etc.

I have mentioned to the support teacher,that at home he spending alot of time in his room when he is in playing with his lego.

She said she as observed him in and around the school, she does not see a boy who is reverting into himself. As she very often see him with a group of friends, larking around, hitting each other and getting upto mischief???????

One thing i do not want to turn into is a parent who wraps her son up in cotton wool, because of the term lacks SCS has been brought into the forum. It will not do my son any favours in the long term, but i feel i am having to defend him(which i do see as my job, as his mum).

I suppose because of my lack of full understanding of my son's lack of SCS, lack of knowing what makes my son tick(at this moment) and lack of insight to what is actually going on in school. I actually feel really useless for him. 

           

Parents
  • Hi mum of 3 and Mary R,

    Thanks for your replies.

    There are lots of similarities between our sons and at times reading your posts, I felt like I was reading about my son in your post.

    Although school have been quick with some actions (after a year) and not with others.

    Although they have had him assessed by EP and her recommendations SCS (aspergers), when I try to discuss support for aspergers they say we will have to wait until he's got his formal diagnosis to put an action plan in place.

    This week for him, has been hideous. The last two days he's spent running around the school away from the teachers, texting me saying he wants to move school, he doesn't want to go in his respite place. Monday-I got txt saying he wasn't coming home!!!!!

    Mary R, I have been in touch with parent partnership through our local council. They seem pretty much like an advice, advocate service between parents and school, they will attend meetings with you and school etc. They are a national service H/O in London 02078436058,www.parentpartnership.org.uk.

    When I try to discuss with SEN, support staff in respite unit about how aspregers can display it's self, they say, we have seen him behave differently in this unit, we know he can behave, we know he knows right from wrong. In around about way saying he is putting it on and we are buying into his bad behaviours.

    Did ask the SEN this morning how much exp has the staff and school had in dealing aspergers, she said a lot!!!!!!!!!

    SEN also told me that they have done all they can do, they will be handing him over to head of year, this sounds like an exclusion coming. Which I told this will be unacceptable.

    We are the GP in the Moring to discuss ref for formal diagnosis, hopefully not another fight.

    I can empathise with both your post, but feel so inexperienced in this new area, that I haven’t got any advice to offer.

    Although you both sound like me where you will continue to fight for your children to get the best possible support.

    Good luck.x   

Reply
  • Hi mum of 3 and Mary R,

    Thanks for your replies.

    There are lots of similarities between our sons and at times reading your posts, I felt like I was reading about my son in your post.

    Although school have been quick with some actions (after a year) and not with others.

    Although they have had him assessed by EP and her recommendations SCS (aspergers), when I try to discuss support for aspergers they say we will have to wait until he's got his formal diagnosis to put an action plan in place.

    This week for him, has been hideous. The last two days he's spent running around the school away from the teachers, texting me saying he wants to move school, he doesn't want to go in his respite place. Monday-I got txt saying he wasn't coming home!!!!!

    Mary R, I have been in touch with parent partnership through our local council. They seem pretty much like an advice, advocate service between parents and school, they will attend meetings with you and school etc. They are a national service H/O in London 02078436058,www.parentpartnership.org.uk.

    When I try to discuss with SEN, support staff in respite unit about how aspregers can display it's self, they say, we have seen him behave differently in this unit, we know he can behave, we know he knows right from wrong. In around about way saying he is putting it on and we are buying into his bad behaviours.

    Did ask the SEN this morning how much exp has the staff and school had in dealing aspergers, she said a lot!!!!!!!!!

    SEN also told me that they have done all they can do, they will be handing him over to head of year, this sounds like an exclusion coming. Which I told this will be unacceptable.

    We are the GP in the Moring to discuss ref for formal diagnosis, hopefully not another fight.

    I can empathise with both your post, but feel so inexperienced in this new area, that I haven’t got any advice to offer.

    Although you both sound like me where you will continue to fight for your children to get the best possible support.

    Good luck.x   

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