Help, really struggling with school

We are only two days into the week and it's two bad days at school for my son.

 

Mon- recieved phone call from support teacher in respite syaing awful day in some lessons, not sitting down, telling his teachers he's not doing the work, walking out of lessons. Didn't turn up at the end of the day to see her, to hand over his report card.

When i questioned my son about this he just says "i don't know"(which makes it difficult to understand the situation).

Tue-recieved phone call from same support teacher saying shocking day agian, similar to Mon behaviour. But their has been an allegation of racist behaviour from my son. Although she did not have any facts that she could tell me about. Other than something had happened and we will be called into school for a meeting with head of year and local police officer attached to the school????????

When we questioned our son about this allegations, he says he doesn't know what their on about, he hasn't said anything racist. His exact words"dun no". We know our son knows that making hurtful remarks about other people is not acceptable.

Support teacher is also saying that my sons time in respite class is now coming to an end, his behaviour has not improved during this 3/4months in respite. She feels the only option is to hand him over to head of year(which i think it's looking like him being excluded at some point).

She also said that my does know right from wrong but he is making choices to behave in certain ways and some of his behaviours he can control.

I know my son knows right from wrong, but have read through info relating to recommendations from the school psychologist, that my son lacks social communication skills(SCS)-aspegers. Is this part of his condition that his judgement is impaiared because of his lack of SCS or is he using this to be seen as the class clown(again seeking acceptence)from peers, this is a commom theme through our sons life.  

He does not act like this at home and he did not act like this(no where near to the extent in primary, we were never called in school to discuss his beahaivour or at parents eveing)at primary, i still have all his reprots.

But since he went to secondry school, it been a nightmare for him.

Report card after report card, meetings about his beahviuor, regularly i get phone calls at work from teachers in class asking me to speak to during class for his behaviuor they cannot control(is this right????)

Yet they have placed him in respite, concerned enough to have him see the school psychologist, the psychologist recommendations are SCS, support in the class room, support to settle into lessons. The school head of SEN was saying, no resources here, not enough staff there etc.

I have mentioned to the support teacher,that at home he spending alot of time in his room when he is in playing with his lego.

She said she as observed him in and around the school, she does not see a boy who is reverting into himself. As she very often see him with a group of friends, larking around, hitting each other and getting upto mischief???????

One thing i do not want to turn into is a parent who wraps her son up in cotton wool, because of the term lacks SCS has been brought into the forum. It will not do my son any favours in the long term, but i feel i am having to defend him(which i do see as my job, as his mum).

I suppose because of my lack of full understanding of my son's lack of SCS, lack of knowing what makes my son tick(at this moment) and lack of insight to what is actually going on in school. I actually feel really useless for him. 

           

Parents
  • Hi, I so feel for you and you could be talking about my son (right down to the lego!).  I am new here - this is my first post but I have read quite a few and there seems to be a common theme for boys who are OK at primary but as soon as they go to secondary school everything goes to pot.

    My son had a terrible time in year 7 (Sept 2011).  He was picked on, couldnt fit it, luckily he had friends there from primary school.  I was always on tenterhooks waiting for the phone calls to say he had done this, that or the other.  When he gets very anxious he goes into defense overdrive and (this has been said to us by his psychologist) he says terrible things to make himself seem frightening with the aim of getting people to back off and leave him alone.

    During the summer term the SEN team told us they thought he was depressed and a referral was made to camhs.  He was diagnosed with depression and began medication and therapy which he is still on now.  We also took him to a private councellor at around the same time while we awaited the referral to camhs and within two sessions she came to the conclusion that he might have ASD.

    We are now about half way through the incredibly long and drawn out diagnosis process but do know he is on the spectrum and a lot of things now fall into place.

    He tried to go back to school in September 2012 but could not cope, within 4 days he was involved in an incident where a teacher made a remark which he took to be a slight against him, to cut a long story short he threatened the teacher and we were called in.  The school did not exclude him, however his Doctor (from camhs) advised that keeping him in that school was bad for his health and so we took him out.(best thing we ever did and we will not be sending him back!)  We had him at home for 8 weeks doing work mostly set by us, and with a home tutor for the last week.  We had a struggle and a lot of anxious waiting but finally he got in to a special school for kids who are too unwell for mainstream. 

    This is really good but he is still having problems with fitting in socially and has been very angry on a few occasions and said things, really nasty things - probably this defence mechanism again - but not acceptable.  I am so worried that he will hurt himself or someone else although they (at camhs) do not think this is likely.

    I would urge you to get to see your GP as soon as you can,  depression is often the first thing that is spotted before ASD is diagnosed and it can take a long time to spot, meaning that it gets very advanced before you know it.

    Well meaning though the schools can be, they lack expertise, it is best to take it upon yourself to see your GP and set the wheels in motion for diagnosis and also a statement of special needs - you need the schools help with this and again is a long winded process - 26 weeks - but can get special support for the child which I think is essential.

    What I am seeking now is more specialised ASD help for my son.  I do hope that you will be able to find help for you and your son too.

Reply
  • Hi, I so feel for you and you could be talking about my son (right down to the lego!).  I am new here - this is my first post but I have read quite a few and there seems to be a common theme for boys who are OK at primary but as soon as they go to secondary school everything goes to pot.

    My son had a terrible time in year 7 (Sept 2011).  He was picked on, couldnt fit it, luckily he had friends there from primary school.  I was always on tenterhooks waiting for the phone calls to say he had done this, that or the other.  When he gets very anxious he goes into defense overdrive and (this has been said to us by his psychologist) he says terrible things to make himself seem frightening with the aim of getting people to back off and leave him alone.

    During the summer term the SEN team told us they thought he was depressed and a referral was made to camhs.  He was diagnosed with depression and began medication and therapy which he is still on now.  We also took him to a private councellor at around the same time while we awaited the referral to camhs and within two sessions she came to the conclusion that he might have ASD.

    We are now about half way through the incredibly long and drawn out diagnosis process but do know he is on the spectrum and a lot of things now fall into place.

    He tried to go back to school in September 2012 but could not cope, within 4 days he was involved in an incident where a teacher made a remark which he took to be a slight against him, to cut a long story short he threatened the teacher and we were called in.  The school did not exclude him, however his Doctor (from camhs) advised that keeping him in that school was bad for his health and so we took him out.(best thing we ever did and we will not be sending him back!)  We had him at home for 8 weeks doing work mostly set by us, and with a home tutor for the last week.  We had a struggle and a lot of anxious waiting but finally he got in to a special school for kids who are too unwell for mainstream. 

    This is really good but he is still having problems with fitting in socially and has been very angry on a few occasions and said things, really nasty things - probably this defence mechanism again - but not acceptable.  I am so worried that he will hurt himself or someone else although they (at camhs) do not think this is likely.

    I would urge you to get to see your GP as soon as you can,  depression is often the first thing that is spotted before ASD is diagnosed and it can take a long time to spot, meaning that it gets very advanced before you know it.

    Well meaning though the schools can be, they lack expertise, it is best to take it upon yourself to see your GP and set the wheels in motion for diagnosis and also a statement of special needs - you need the schools help with this and again is a long winded process - 26 weeks - but can get special support for the child which I think is essential.

    What I am seeking now is more specialised ASD help for my son.  I do hope that you will be able to find help for you and your son too.

Children
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