toiletting

My young son is 5 and the disability nurse visited two weeks ago to discuss toilet training. My son has Autism and Developmental delay. So for two weeks he has been taken to the toilet every hour and a chart has been kept. After further discussion with the class teacher, we have both decided that Milo just isn't ready yet. He had significant delays in all areas, so why should his toiletting be any different? The school let him wear pull ups and are going to encourage him to sit on the toilet at nappy-changing times, but I feel that if we push him too hard when he isn't psychologically ready (he doesn't know when he wants to wee or pooh) it could have negative consequences. 

I think that children do things in their own time when they are ready. But it is worrying when these little milestones aren't being reached as easily. Especially if the child is at mainstream school and stands out from the other children. Its hard enough for a child with Autism as it is, without being made to feel different. 

All we can do is keep hope and keep encouraging. Stay positive and never give up! 

Hi, I can't offer any quick fixes but heres some of my experience... my first son I toilet trained in one week a month off his 3rd birthday.  He's now 6.  I started with my second son a bit earlier 2 1/2 as he's an August baby and wanted to see if we could do it before he started nursery. Tried twice before summer hols but he just screamed the place down all the time so I didn't push it.  Nursery said they'd accept him in pull-ups but changed their mind when we got there - he was wet everyday and pretty much refused to go near the loo.  After few weeks and chat with school nurse they let him use pull-ups again - just not ready.  It took another year to get any real progress  but he went into Reception still having lots of accidents (wet & soiling) and school asked me to have him home in the afternoons until he could be clean for a week (he's nearly 5 1/2 now and still can't be clean for a week!).  Due to other stuff we were noticing about his behaviour I suggested to school perhaps he may have an ASD so their SENCO observed him and agreed.  He was diagnosed with Aspergers a few weeks ago.  Toileting is still an issue.

Strategies that have helped are: entering into his world - playing funny games like closing my eyes and jumping when I hear a plop in the loo.  Putting dinosaur cards in the loo and seeing if he'd like to go and see which one it was (to get him in there).  At school they gave him a couple of dinosuars who had to visit the Teaching Assistant if he wanted to use loo etc.  We have a reward system which he has a say in the reward but some days the chance of a reward still won't get him in the loo, no amount of encouraging will by pass his 'stubborn-ness'.  It's still all a bit hit and miss - v frustrating and time consuming sorting it all out.

The main thing I'd say is be prepared for the long haul but try and map progress as you may start to notice that there are v small steps - it may just click one day, who knows.  The other thing for me is that I am generally better at taking each day as it comes (but not perfect!).  Age 3 1/2 seems v early days from my experience

Hi there my son now age 4 had the same issues , it took along time but he got there in the end there is hope the best advise i got that was ground breaking for us was , to buy some suprize toys to put on top of the toilet , to make the toilet a happy place .As much as i tryed to stay positive there had become alot of negativity around using the toilet .So we just tryed to get back to basics and have fun in the toilet intsead of even trying for a wee or anything .This had a great impact on my boy and things slowly improved from there x I wont lie to you tho he does soil as he suffers cronic constipation but he is now even dry at nite and i never thort it possible for him r angels will always amaze us they are so precious x Also since he started school the nurse has told me that training asd children is totaly different as they would respond to a picture instead , she said you could take photos of the toilet or potty and make a little book for them even showing a pic of them on the toilet or potty as they respond well to viual learning x I hope this helps i no how very frustraiting also heartbreaking this issue can be x good luck im sure you will take every best effort you can to guide your little one