I have Autism(aspergers) and part of that condition is a co-dependance at my parents home, for company, food and a place to go.
However, there is the problem,, my step-father is an adonis abusive alcoholic, my mother is an anxiety ridden housebound semi-alcoholic who is co-dependant on my step-father. My mother is in denial and sick and has no cognitive energy left, my step-father has a sickness and is in this own sick world, lashing out and not caring.
My Autism does not even get acknowledged in there minds, they are not real parents, never have been.
I reason, I write this is because I have a catch 22,, I need to go were I find the environment familar but the environment is not good for me. I'll give you a few examples, on my step-fathers behaviours just to release stress if anything;
He walks about nude, walks outside in the morning in this pants to put out the bin, boils vinegar in pots, masterbates in front of mirrors, likes to scare people by leaving the toilet door open, keeps this room door ajar so you can see him naked, sprays perfumes, deodorant until you can not breathe, drinks whiskey none stop hidding it in glasses of milk, huffs, puffs and signs continuously. Sits with his legs open with a dress gown so you can see this genitals, has photos of himself naked with erections on this bedroom walls, takes secret film and camera pictures of the family..... I could go on and on,,, he is one sick ***, who does not talk normal to anyone(unless it is a stranger and he pretends), in the house just shouts out negative comments at the smallest behaviour of others,, HE IS AN ABUSER. He works as a security guard and was an ex-policeman.
With my Autism, I have a total phobia of this guy, so why is he in my life and my mothers life. With my Autism I can not leave the environment, my mother has been covering up his behaviours for the last 35 years so, she is in denial and a fantasy protection mode, she has not been able to leave the house for the last 10 years and now can not leave the house but says it is her choice, so he supplies her with a co-dependant relationship, ie fags, booze, food, money. But the whole house is in state of disharmony and always has been.
There behaviours are getting more extreme now(both in the 60's), my mum trying to kill herself this year and left a note saying no one was to go to her funeral. My mother has a total mask on and will not listen want anyone has to say for her welfare, she gets and angry and uses it as an excuse to drink more. She is in her own trap of distruction which there is no way out off. Do the authorities care, as it is family contained.
For me with my autism it is getting harder and harder in this environment, it always has been,, but my mother does not acknowledge my autism, my pain or the downbringing I have had. She does not even acknowledge her own pain, she see's her self as some sort of strong person, were in fact,, she is an alcoholic anxiety house bound ridden old woman living with an abuser.
I have tried to speak to her GP, can't directly due to autism, but by letter, but they make no response to me. But the reality is,,, they see no problem in situtation. The family members have been made powerless, scared off him and loyalty of silence for her.
This post is more of release for me,, my aspergers mind is always looking for a social solution so I can get peace and harmony, but the world does not work like that, it just covers up problems and waits until it is critical management.
Thanks for reading
