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BAD PARENTS

hohner

I have Autism(aspergers) and part of that condition is a co-dependance at my parents home, for company, food and a place to go.

However, there is the problem,, my step-father is an adonis abusive alcoholic, my mother is an anxiety ridden housebound semi-alcoholic who is co-dependant on my step-father. My mother is in denial and sick and has no cognitive energy left, my step-father has a sickness and is in this own sick world, lashing out and not caring.

My Autism does not even get acknowledged in there minds, they are not real parents, never have been.

I reason,  I write this is because I have a catch 22,, I need to go were I find the environment familar but the environment is not good for me. I'll give you a few examples, on my step-fathers behaviours just to release stress if anything;

He walks about nude, walks outside in the morning in this pants to put out the bin, boils vinegar in pots, masterbates in front of mirrors, likes to scare people by leaving the toilet door open, keeps this room door ajar so you can see him naked, sprays perfumes, deodorant until you can not breathe, drinks whiskey none stop hidding it in glasses of milk, huffs, puffs and signs continuously. Sits with his legs open with a dress gown so you can see this genitals, has photos of himself naked with erections on this bedroom walls, takes secret film and camera pictures of the family..... I could go on and on,,, he is one sick ***, who does not talk normal to anyone(unless it is a stranger and he pretends), in the house just shouts out negative comments at the smallest behaviour of others,, HE IS AN ABUSER.  He works as a security guard and was an ex-policeman.

With my Autism, I have a total phobia of this guy, so why is he in my life and my mothers life. With my Autism I can not leave the environment, my mother has been covering up his behaviours for the last 35 years so, she is in denial and a fantasy protection mode, she has not been able to leave the house for the last 10 years and now can not leave the house but says it is her choice, so he supplies her with a co-dependant relationship, ie fags, booze, food, money. But the whole house is in state of disharmony and always has been.

There behaviours are getting more extreme now(both in the 60's), my mum trying to kill herself this year and left a note saying no one was to go to her funeral. My mother has a total mask on and will not listen want anyone has to say for her welfare, she gets and angry and uses it as an excuse to drink more. She is in her own trap of distruction which there is no way out off. Do the authorities care, as it is family contained.

For me with my autism it is getting harder and harder in this environment, it always has been,, but my mother does not acknowledge my autism, my pain or the downbringing I have had. She does not even acknowledge her own pain, she see's her self as some sort of strong person, were in fact,, she is an alcoholic anxiety house bound ridden old woman living with an abuser.

I have tried to speak to her GP, can't directly due to autism, but by letter, but they make no response to me. But the reality is,,, they see no problem in situtation. The family members have been made powerless, scared off him and loyalty of silence for her.

This post is more of release for me,, my aspergers mind is always looking for a social solution so I can get peace and harmony, but the world does not work like that, it just covers up problems and waits until it is critical management.

Thanks for reading

 

 

 

 

 

 

Parents

  • Thanks for the nice and good advice replies, but with Autism it makes the situation very complex, simple decisions like too, leave, talk to a professional, make a new life, talk to someone, are all good on paper. I know most of the solutions already, but with a lack of volition due to my Autism especially with the new social interaction with AN OUTSIDER, the trust issue is there and I get scared that I will get cognitively overwhelmed, and also the fact that my environment will change about me and how it will change I do not know, so it is like jumping of a cognitive cliff without a parachute. My Autism by its very condition freezes me to act, always has.

    The whole system in the UK, just works under a critical resource management system this situation would be defined as a family matter contained is only addressed when it becomes an emergency. Take my mum, I phoned the ambulance,, they took her to hospital overnight and then in the morning she said to psychritatic nurses "I am fine". There was no follow up by the hospital or the GP's, because she is hidding her condition and living conditions from the professionals because she has a form of social embarrassment, and we all live within this taught wall of silence and pretending. So in a way my mother is a protector of abuser and thus party to the abuse, to herself and others. Her perfectly made storm, it is as if she brought this guy into the family life for her benefit and our abuse. That is a sick mother. She does nothing about it, she complains constant but if you say anything to help her,, I get the response "Don't be silly". She wishes me to stay in cognitive child mode and just agree and do everything she says. If I say more, say goes all defensive and then angry(rises tone, which scare me), then goes sad, then the step-father uses this moment to come in and shout at me for upsetting her. So I backdown under threat and emotional manipulation, so I am caught between two bad parents.

     

     

     

     

     

     

Reply

  • Thanks for the nice and good advice replies, but with Autism it makes the situation very complex, simple decisions like too, leave, talk to a professional, make a new life, talk to someone, are all good on paper. I know most of the solutions already, but with a lack of volition due to my Autism especially with the new social interaction with AN OUTSIDER, the trust issue is there and I get scared that I will get cognitively overwhelmed, and also the fact that my environment will change about me and how it will change I do not know, so it is like jumping of a cognitive cliff without a parachute. My Autism by its very condition freezes me to act, always has.

    The whole system in the UK, just works under a critical resource management system this situation would be defined as a family matter contained is only addressed when it becomes an emergency. Take my mum, I phoned the ambulance,, they took her to hospital overnight and then in the morning she said to psychritatic nurses "I am fine". There was no follow up by the hospital or the GP's, because she is hidding her condition and living conditions from the professionals because she has a form of social embarrassment, and we all live within this taught wall of silence and pretending. So in a way my mother is a protector of abuser and thus party to the abuse, to herself and others. Her perfectly made storm, it is as if she brought this guy into the family life for her benefit and our abuse. That is a sick mother. She does nothing about it, she complains constant but if you say anything to help her,, I get the response "Don't be silly". She wishes me to stay in cognitive child mode and just agree and do everything she says. If I say more, say goes all defensive and then angry(rises tone, which scare me), then goes sad, then the step-father uses this moment to come in and shout at me for upsetting her. So I backdown under threat and emotional manipulation, so I am caught between two bad parents.

     

     

     

     

     

     

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