Striving for a 'normal bedtime routine" leads to sadness.

Hi there, I completely sympathise with you, I am in a very similar situation with my six year old daughter. She never really slept well from day one, and had to have someone in the room majority of the time up until she turned 4. She then learnt to self settle, she did have periods now and again where she would go back to needing that extra reassurance a little bit, but it was phases. Since December, she has drastically got worse. Nothing has changed in terms of her bedtime routine she is very particular on her routine, and soon makes it clear if there is a change that she doesn’t like, but we haven’t had that. She started off waking up in the night wanting the extra reassurance, comfort and someone in the room (even though her brother shares a room with her), this went on for a good couple of weeks. After that, it then turned into staying in the same room all night, she gets very distressed and shouts, tries to make herself vomit, and refuses to get into her bed and lie down to try and settle, it results in us having to bring her into our bed purely so that my son doesn’t get disturbed and be exhausted for school.

Since doing this she began to sleep a little in with us, but then as time has gone on now that is not working, she has been prescribed melatonin by her paediatrician, but we are finding difficulty getting it into her (i started a discussion on this looking for advice and was ridiculed so took it down). Wether she has the melatonin on the days where we can get her to have it or not, she still wakes around 11pm (if not already still awake) and then proceeds to try and fight going to sleep, bed, anything. We are at a point now where myself and my husband get 3 hours sleep a night, if that. My daughter is getting 3-4 hours, but its very broken sleep, and it is taking an impact on her behaviour during the day now also, which is also progressively getting worse since lockdowns began. She has anxiety attacks at times, and can get very physical, and as a bipolar mum its also impacting my own health now. I understand she is anxious, and there is something that has unsettled her which we cannot put our finger on what, we communicate with her about what she is feeling but she doesn’t understand herself i dont think. I know what it is like, it is mentally and physically exhausting, and you feel like whatever you do no matter how hard you try it doesn’t ever feel good enough or it doesn’t last long and you feel like you are back to square one, it can make you feel very flat. We are now seeking further advice from CAMHS, as its affecting her health, and we have also been granted extra bedroom with housing so are currently waiting for a house to come up so that the children can have separate bedrooms and my son won’t be disturbed, but in the meantime the long waits between appointments can make you feel very alone and hopeless, so I honestly do know how it feels, and my heart goes out to you. I hope you find some support for this soon xx

Hi there, I completely sympathise with you, I am in a very similar situation with my six year old daughter. She never really slept well from day one, and had to have someone in the room majority of the time up until she turned 4. She then learnt to self settle, she did have periods now and again where she would go back to needing that extra reassurance a little bit, but it was phases. Since December, she has drastically got worse. Nothing has changed in terms of her bedtime routine she is very particular on her routine, and soon makes it clear if there is a change that she doesn’t like, but we haven’t had that. She started off waking up in the night wanting the extra reassurance, comfort and someone in the room (even though her brother shares a room with her), this went on for a good couple of weeks. After that, it then turned into staying in the same room all night, she gets very distressed and shouts, tries to make herself vomit, and refuses to get into her bed and lie down to try and settle, it results in us having to bring her into our bed purely so that my son doesn’t get disturbed and be exhausted for school.

Since doing this she began to sleep a little in with us, but then as time has gone on now that is not working, she has been prescribed melatonin by her paediatrician, but we are finding difficulty getting it into her (i started a discussion on this looking for advice and was ridiculed so took it down). Wether she has the melatonin on the days where we can get her to have it or not, she still wakes around 11pm (if not already still awake) and then proceeds to try and fight going to sleep, bed, anything. We are at a point now where myself and my husband get 3 hours sleep a night, if that. My daughter is getting 3-4 hours, but its very broken sleep, and it is taking an impact on her behaviour during the day now also, which is also progressively getting worse since lockdowns began. She has anxiety attacks at times, and can get very physical, and as a bipolar mum its also impacting my own health now. I understand she is anxious, and there is something that has unsettled her which we cannot put our finger on what, we communicate with her about what she is feeling but she doesn’t understand herself i dont think. I know what it is like, it is mentally and physically exhausting, and you feel like whatever you do no matter how hard you try it doesn’t ever feel good enough or it doesn’t last long and you feel like you are back to square one, it can make you feel very flat. We are now seeking further advice from CAMHS, as its affecting her health, and we have also been granted extra bedroom with housing so are currently waiting for a house to come up so that the children can have separate bedrooms and my son won’t be disturbed, but in the meantime the long waits between appointments can make you feel very alone and hopeless, so I honestly do know how it feels, and my heart goes out to you. I hope you find some support for this soon xx