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Striving for a 'normal bedtime routine" leads to sadness.

NAS68997

My 4 year old son is due to begin school next week. My son has had difficulty in falling asleep quickly until I recall. He finds comfort in finally falling asleep acknowledging I'm in the room and seeks comfort in his tommee tippee milk bottle and soft towel by his side.

I have set a goal to attempt to teach him to go to sleep without me being in the room but its been horrendous and I've been left feeling defeated, exhausted, guilty and sad and end up staying in the room until he gradually drifts. I also wanted to stop the bottle but he has a very poor appetite and i don't know where to start with that one. I feel like I may be setting my goals too high and feel it may be unfair. 

Especially because tonight I attempted putting him in his bed countless times, for hours even, but he still just ran out like Usain bolt leaving me physically exhausted and eventually mentally. As its been night 3 of attempting this. 

I even considered melatonin but later felt guilty for it as I felt he may become dependant on it, and I also read somewhere a side effect could be heightened aggressiveness which isn't ideal. The thought of having him pop into bed and sleep and remain sleep now seems to be dwindling. 

Should I just continue stay in the same room until he sleeps or should I continue to try and 'teach him to sleep on his own' which I read in 'Autistic Logistics' book. 

Being barely vocal makes things more tricky.

I just feel like I may need to reassess my goals be more realistic.

Exhausted.

Parents

  • My thoughts are a bit influenced by the fact that with autism, some thing take more time. His vocalisation is taking a bit longer. Can his sleeping routines be given a bit longer to work out too?

    As just a previous child who has good long-term memory. Is it perhaps that he might need the togetherness satiated a bit more? Or am I completely off track?

    I know from studying human emotion that once certain things are sated, the human tends to move on ok to the next stage reasonably consistently.

    My innate feelings are that maybe it might serve to let the four-year-old have a touch more close time with parents. Some children might need this for whatever reasons(?)

    I'd be very interested to know whether parents in a similar position have noted similar things.


    As a [most likely] autistic [in some form] child, I had sleeping difficulties within my memory. Sleeping with parents was common well into being 4 years old (and probably further?). I remember lighting in my room was very important for me at age 5. My dad could leave me as long as the light was on in the landing. I remember quite clearly going from my own confidence in falling asleep with my own bedroom light off at age 5. Previously, my light had to be left on. I can quite imagine that for some children, this kind of transition might need to happen a bit later than it did for myself(?)

    Your son may have his own needs. I appreciate the difficulty that comes from the lack of ease of verbal connection. You might have to do things by steps and gauge by some ways the level of comfort in your son by non-verbal means.

    For example, if I was uncomfortable with the light off as a child, even I hadn't spoken, I may have made certain movements and sounds. [By disclosure, I was quite vocal at age 4 but I can kind of imagine not being to some extent.]


    For disclosure. I'm an anxiously attached child who's mum wasn't very attached. My innate feeling comes from a view that my growing up of being very people-pleasing well into adulthood probably comes from a lack of parental contact early in my own life. This (and other factors) may well be different to the experience of your son. 

    My knowledge of reading round the subject is that it seems reasonably normal that children with autism can take longer (depending on the individual child) in this area. I gather it's not unheard of for children aged 7 to have similar sleeping difficulties(?) Again, I await other parents who may know and have researched more deeply.


    I now defer to parents (which I am not).

Reply

  • My thoughts are a bit influenced by the fact that with autism, some thing take more time. His vocalisation is taking a bit longer. Can his sleeping routines be given a bit longer to work out too?

    As just a previous child who has good long-term memory. Is it perhaps that he might need the togetherness satiated a bit more? Or am I completely off track?

    I know from studying human emotion that once certain things are sated, the human tends to move on ok to the next stage reasonably consistently.

    My innate feelings are that maybe it might serve to let the four-year-old have a touch more close time with parents. Some children might need this for whatever reasons(?)

    I'd be very interested to know whether parents in a similar position have noted similar things.


    As a [most likely] autistic [in some form] child, I had sleeping difficulties within my memory. Sleeping with parents was common well into being 4 years old (and probably further?). I remember lighting in my room was very important for me at age 5. My dad could leave me as long as the light was on in the landing. I remember quite clearly going from my own confidence in falling asleep with my own bedroom light off at age 5. Previously, my light had to be left on. I can quite imagine that for some children, this kind of transition might need to happen a bit later than it did for myself(?)

    Your son may have his own needs. I appreciate the difficulty that comes from the lack of ease of verbal connection. You might have to do things by steps and gauge by some ways the level of comfort in your son by non-verbal means.

    For example, if I was uncomfortable with the light off as a child, even I hadn't spoken, I may have made certain movements and sounds. [By disclosure, I was quite vocal at age 4 but I can kind of imagine not being to some extent.]


    For disclosure. I'm an anxiously attached child who's mum wasn't very attached. My innate feeling comes from a view that my growing up of being very people-pleasing well into adulthood probably comes from a lack of parental contact early in my own life. This (and other factors) may well be different to the experience of your son. 

    My knowledge of reading round the subject is that it seems reasonably normal that children with autism can take longer (depending on the individual child) in this area. I gather it's not unheard of for children aged 7 to have similar sleeping difficulties(?) Again, I await other parents who may know and have researched more deeply.


    I now defer to parents (which I am not).

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