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Introducing myself & a question about traits

EmotionalOctopus

Hi everyone!

How are you all coping with the summer holidays/lockdown?

So, I was directed here by my therapist as a way to cope with my daughters autism, because, to be honest, I'm not doing so well.

My daughter is 6 and was diagnosed with autism about a year ago. A diagnosis which, I have been finding incredibly hard to deal with myself, so I can't even begin to imagine what my little girl is going through on a daily basis.

She is verbal, goes to a mainstream school and has lots of friends. - I feel very lucky in this regard, because I know that some parents have it much harder than I do.

Aside from the usual fallout that happens every time the routine is changed (school holidays vs term-time, etc)  I have found that, as she gets older, her autistic traits have changed to a point where I'm not sure what autism is anymore.

For example, She NEVER used to show affection - no hugs, kisses, I love you's, up until a couple of months ago.  Now I get hug's goodnight and she always tells me that she loves me.  Honestly, I couldn't contain my happiness and I cried for hours the first time she said it.

When she was younger, she wasn't an angry child and somehow 'knew' when she was getting overwhelmed.  If we were at home, she would take herself off to calm down.  Now though, her anger is severe, sometimes violent and only aimed at me.  She really frightened me one day in particular when she pushed me down the stairs.  I've been pinched, punched, headbutted and she's constantly trying to poke at my eyes.

So, my question is:

Is it typical for autistic traits in an individual to change over time?  Do some traits suddenly start/stop?  Or is it a case of the bad stuff gets worse, but the good stuff gets better which kind of evens it out?

Any advice, help or experience is welcome - heaven knows I need it!

Parents

  • I've seen traits change in my own family. Disclosure first, none of my family have had an assessment but ... the autism runs pretty strong.

    It'll be very interesting to see what others say on this.

    The autism condition I'm currently hedging my bets on for myself is one called PDA.

    I noticed in childhood that some things did just change at certain years.

    Before 7 yrs old, I couldn't tell you the name of a friend I had but I was massively into animals. After 7, I started paying attention to my classmates. I found that girls 'moved me' and I can name a few friends I had from age of 7 and for the rest of childhood. So, that's a trait change.

    I was awful with violence if I lost a game with my brothers. I was a nightmare. At age 16, I broke down big time after one of these fights. The fights with my brother ended there and I developed depression from that day.

    On a one person basis, yes, traits can change it would seem in some people.

    Others in my family have had sudden changes too.

    Interesting question you pose.

  • in reply to calmerchameleon

    Hi there and thank you for your reply - it's lovely to hear from those who are experiencing autism personally and thank you for explaining how you yourself have changed over the years.

    I appreciate that autism is an umbrella term and and that for those living with it have a completely unique experience - no two people with autism are the same, which makes it hard to manage certain situations and difficulties.

    Can i just ask - what is PDA?

  • in reply to EmotionalOctopus

    Ah yes, PDA is pathological demand avoidance (sometimes called 'extreme demand avoidance').

  • in reply to calmerchameleon

    oh ok (frantically typing that into google)

    hmm. yes. my little one seems to display some of these traits.

    Not so good with the role playing, but definitely a master of distraction - we call her a hypnotist for the way she can guide a conversation away from its original topic to make us forget what we were asking her to do in the first place

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