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Introducing myself & a question about traits

EmotionalOctopus

Hi everyone!

How are you all coping with the summer holidays/lockdown?

So, I was directed here by my therapist as a way to cope with my daughters autism, because, to be honest, I'm not doing so well.

My daughter is 6 and was diagnosed with autism about a year ago. A diagnosis which, I have been finding incredibly hard to deal with myself, so I can't even begin to imagine what my little girl is going through on a daily basis.

She is verbal, goes to a mainstream school and has lots of friends. - I feel very lucky in this regard, because I know that some parents have it much harder than I do.

Aside from the usual fallout that happens every time the routine is changed (school holidays vs term-time, etc)  I have found that, as she gets older, her autistic traits have changed to a point where I'm not sure what autism is anymore.

For example, She NEVER used to show affection - no hugs, kisses, I love you's, up until a couple of months ago.  Now I get hug's goodnight and she always tells me that she loves me.  Honestly, I couldn't contain my happiness and I cried for hours the first time she said it.

When she was younger, she wasn't an angry child and somehow 'knew' when she was getting overwhelmed.  If we were at home, she would take herself off to calm down.  Now though, her anger is severe, sometimes violent and only aimed at me.  She really frightened me one day in particular when she pushed me down the stairs.  I've been pinched, punched, headbutted and she's constantly trying to poke at my eyes.

So, my question is:

Is it typical for autistic traits in an individual to change over time?  Do some traits suddenly start/stop?  Or is it a case of the bad stuff gets worse, but the good stuff gets better which kind of evens it out?

Any advice, help or experience is welcome - heaven knows I need it!

  • in reply to EmotionalOctopus

    I'm glad it provided a bit of insight for you. Anything you are unsure about just post on the forum, we would all be glad to help Slight smile

  • in reply to calmerchameleon

    oh ok (frantically typing that into google)

    hmm. yes. my little one seems to display some of these traits.

    Not so good with the role playing, but definitely a master of distraction - we call her a hypnotist for the way she can guide a conversation away from its original topic to make us forget what we were asking her to do in the first place

  • in reply to EmotionalOctopus

    Ah yes, PDA is pathological demand avoidance (sometimes called 'extreme demand avoidance').

  • in reply to COOKIES280

    Hello and thank you so much for sharing your experience; I really appreciate the insight.

    It is reassuring to know that some things do change, for better or worse, as I was always of the mindset that my little girl may always be static in the things that she can and cannot deal with.

    Unfortunately, in my life and social circle, my little girl is the only one on the spectrum and so the advice that I get from friends, although well intended, is unhelpful at best.

    It is very difficult, as a parent to a child with autism, to know when to simply just put something down to autism, accept it and not try to change it.

    As a parent generally, it is our job to nurture our children, to help them develop into independent adults, to teach them how to overcome life's obstacles and challenges, but when you throw autism into the mix, you start to question how you are going to do that, or if it is even possible.

    You worry about what will happen to them as they grow - whether they will ever be toilet trained, get a job, get married and have families of their own, or who will be there for them after you're gone.

    Of course I am not saying that those with autism are incapable of thriving in a neurotypical world - they absolutely are, but it's hard to know what to stop fighting against and accept that this is the way it will always be.

    Thank you again for your reply, best wishes and take care

  • in reply to calmerchameleon

    Hi there and thank you for your reply - it's lovely to hear from those who are experiencing autism personally and thank you for explaining how you yourself have changed over the years.

    I appreciate that autism is an umbrella term and and that for those living with it have a completely unique experience - no two people with autism are the same, which makes it hard to manage certain situations and difficulties.

    Can i just ask - what is PDA?

  • Hello 

    From my own personal experiences, I was diagnosed with ASD when I was 12 and am now 24 but over the years I have talked to my family about myself and what i was like as a child. I must admit my traiJoyts

    were all over the show. When I was about 4 my mum said I was a cuddly clingy child and literally over night I was the complete opposite. Constant meltdowns with change and always wanting to be on my own. I went through quite a lot of what my family called obsessions as a child I used to also collect alot of different things and wouldn't go outside and play etc. Then I was up and down from there until I turned about 17 I got a job and was a small amount sociable and then when I hit 20ish Iv gone back to my old ways very antisocial and I really dislike being out of my room even to this day. 

    Admittedly I also have a few other conditions which may have been going on along side all of this to, but yes in my opinion traits do change over time. With me some got worse for example I have always been a picky eater but over time it has gone to me only eating a very limited amount of things. I can't eat anything new because even now I can't cope with it. 

    Obviously everyone is different but in my opinion bad things can get worse or better really.

    Hope this was sort of helpful

    Best wishes

  • I've seen traits change in my own family. Disclosure first, none of my family have had an assessment but ... the autism runs pretty strong.

    It'll be very interesting to see what others say on this.

    The autism condition I'm currently hedging my bets on for myself is one called PDA.

    I noticed in childhood that some things did just change at certain years.

    Before 7 yrs old, I couldn't tell you the name of a friend I had but I was massively into animals. After 7, I started paying attention to my classmates. I found that girls 'moved me' and I can name a few friends I had from age of 7 and for the rest of childhood. So, that's a trait change.

    I was awful with violence if I lost a game with my brothers. I was a nightmare. At age 16, I broke down big time after one of these fights. The fights with my brother ended there and I developed depression from that day.

    On a one person basis, yes, traits can change it would seem in some people.

    Others in my family have had sudden changes too.

    Interesting question you pose.