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grandparents and husband don't recognise or understand autism

NAS12484

My son was diagnosed at 8 with HFA and tourettes.  I get no support from my parents and husband none of them understand him and show no interest in even trying to understand.  Even though he has a diagnosis they still blame on parenting on the way he behaves around them.  They have never offered any support as they think he can choose how he behaves.  He is  now 12 and understands that he is not liked so has started to behave even worse (purposely!!!).  To cut a ,long story short - my dad has advanced cancer and finds it really hard spending time with us because my son is so naughty.  It upsets them both the way that my son talks to me and have said today until I sort his behaviour they will not be able to see us.    They have two new step grandchildren now who they adore two  girls of 3 and 4 and constantly say that   **** and ***** are so well behaved.  I am now wondering if maybe it is my parenting that has made him this way..  I have always done what I thought was right and in my opinion he isn't naughty.  I have tried getting them to understand but they have no interest - they just blame him and me.  What can I do??  I have never been able to access any behaviour courses as no one will look after him for me.  

Parents

  • I completely understand the situation you are in from first hand experience. I felt very alone managing my sons HFA which wasn't diagnosed until he was 16. Without a diagnosis my husband always doubted whether the behaviour was choice. Now that my son is19 my husband finds it even more difficult because he expects him to act like an adult. We have such different ideas about how to manage the situation and it's the main reason for us to argue and fall out. The good news is that he has been able to work and drive which has been a massive boost to self esteem. There are fewer occasions of seeing red. I've come to this site to see if there is support for parents to find a common approach. After all these years I'm no longer going to struggle alone! Good luck.

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  • I completely understand the situation you are in from first hand experience. I felt very alone managing my sons HFA which wasn't diagnosed until he was 16. Without a diagnosis my husband always doubted whether the behaviour was choice. Now that my son is19 my husband finds it even more difficult because he expects him to act like an adult. We have such different ideas about how to manage the situation and it's the main reason for us to argue and fall out. The good news is that he has been able to work and drive which has been a massive boost to self esteem. There are fewer occasions of seeing red. I've come to this site to see if there is support for parents to find a common approach. After all these years I'm no longer going to struggle alone! Good luck.

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