Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone. My 7 year old son was diagnosed with level 1 Autism. I had a feeling, but he still has some things that I consider normal, if not less likely to have Aspergers in the emotion department, if that makes any sense at all. As far as kids his own age goes, he cannot hold a conversation especially if its not a preferred topic. He can express excitment and anger, ( very well) but he also expresses like, sadness if he thinks he's in trouble by an adult. He could care less if a kid likes him, or even teases him, but god forbid an adult tells him to stop doing something he almost cries and starts stimming. Usually chews on something, or rocks (if hes able to sit down in the situation). I don't mean any offense by this at all, but this is new to me, and I feel like not much was explained. I was under the impression (again NO offense at all) that kids with Aspergers don't show much emotion? Especially with something like, shame I guess? He's obsessed with rules, and hates to see them broken by anyone, so maybe that has something to do with it? My best example is he's in Jiu Jitsu, and does fairly well despite his general awkwardness. But at times he gets overwhelmed by everything and he doesn't listen to some rules, and today he got confused and the coach told him to "please listen to the rules" and that's when he looked like he was going to cry and started stimming.
I feel like I may be comparing him too much to other kids, and his cousin who is the same age but is severely autistic. I'm just still wrapping my head around him finally being diagnosed I guess.
Thank you for anyone who listened to my rant here :)
I'm really sorry if anything in my post came across as judgemental it really wasn't my intention... I just wanted to dispel some of the myths and maybe also give a little hope that we are so much more than our list of 'impairments'. I know sometimes the way I communicate can cause offense and I am truly sorry if the reference at the beginning of this post referred to my earlier post.
Remember that autism is a spectrum so while some be they children or adults, show reduced or even no outward signs of emotion. Some show no outward signs but inwardly they feel it etc, and some don't feel it at all, at the other end there are those who have a very much heightened sense of emotion and feel the slightest stray comment as if it were a personal attack on them. Now that is only the emotional senses. There are also those with hypersensitivities and those who feel nothing when it comes to the physical senses.
Part of the issue is the stereotypes in the media which tend to be more noticeablw to them, so the other sides of this tend to not be noticed other then with the ones who have these traits.
Hi
Firstly, sorry you got some quite judgey replies - totally not what you needed. Hello with love from another parent! I think the important thing is to not let the nature of the diagnosis change the fact that a/ you are the expert on your son and b/ don't let it change how you think of him. It sometimes is helpful to know more about some of the difficulties that arise from having ASD - I personally found it very helpful to know more about the sensory processing issues - which explained a lot of behaviours! It sounds like in the situations you describe he may be overwhelmed and there may be things you can do to help him learn to deal with this - so if it is noise, try ear defenders. A visual schedule for common instructions may help and the opportunity to have some time out if its getting too much. There are misunderstandings about autism and emotions / empathy - sometimes our children can actually feel too much and it hurts them. You sound like a great parent and your son sounds great too! If there are areas in particular you want to know more about, I could suggest some reading? Take care and have a lovely day xxx
I am 100% not ashamed of my son nor do I find him "faulty". No child is ever "faulty". Please don't assume that. That thought has NEVER crossed my mind. In regards to your "prescribed consumer lifestyle" comment, the only thing I want for him is to be HAPPY, I don't care what that happiness looks like, as long as he's happy. If he has a job he loves, and his obsession with cars and video games follows him into adulthood and that's his idea of happiness, then I'M happy. It's as simple as that.
I can understand that the assessment has probably come as a shock and all your expectations have been turned upside down. The NAS website has some very good information on autism and the different presentations, abilities and difficulties commonly experienced. Autism is a generic term for a neuro-type that is commonly characterised by difficulties with social interaction, repetitive and restricted interests and behaviours and often sensory processing difficulties. How these present is unique to each individual. I am autistic... I have emotions, I have empathy, I have a great deal of love and compassion for all living things, I have a sense of humour, I have a job and I am in a long term relationship. Like your son if I think I have done something wrong I feel intense shame and guilt, most of the time I will not understand what it is that I have done wrong which makes this even worse as I don't know how to put it right.
Be careful not to make assumptions based on commonly held myths about autism. Embrace your sons strengths and support him through his difficulties and above all love him for who he is you don't need to 'fix' him but he is likely to need some support and to be taught things that will help him to navigate this extremely stressful and unpredictable world. I understand how difficult it must be for parents so also be kind and gentle with yourself.... There will be a lot to learn but also a lot to gain. Keep posting here and we will help wherever we can.
We are simple creatures who crave calmness, logic, rules, clarity and confirmation that we are doing the right thing. We are programmed to be good, to not do anything wrong, to not break the rules, to not embarrass our parents etc.
As we go out into the world, we see everyone else doing the opposite - and getting away with it - this causes enormous logic problems for us - it's total chaos - and we simply can't deal with it. We melt down when we get overloaded with all this craziness. When adults behave badly we are totally confused and have no-one to trust any more.
When our own parents seem to want us to behave like 'normal' and get frustrated when we are told to break the very rules that they insisted on for all those years, we're stuffed.
I get the feeling you're ashamed of your son? This is very common for parents when the were expecting a 'normal' child and the feel cheated when they get a 'faulty' one instead.
You may be putting undue pressure on your son to conform because you're grieving for the loss of your typical 'perfect child' parental dream - and you're seeing the limitations your son will have as he grows up and might not follow the prescribed consumer lifestyle with a pretty wife, nice house, 2.4 kids and Labrador.
On Emotion - My emotions are way too deep and strong for the NT mind to comprehend - Its like an elephant mind in comparison to an Ant so I dont even try to relate to an ants emotion. Its like trying to explain quamtum physics to a warehouse worker - lol
By the way - I am a coach of multi disciplines and I know that if I am saying 'Please Listen' then I am not doing a good job. So I never EVER tell kids to listen - its like saying "I am a rubbish coach" I have been teaching and coaching since 1995.
Comparing to others is what you guys do - all through life. Hence - The Rat Race or Keeping Up With The Jones's. Shame is also an NT thing programmed into you at school by 'The Headmaster' who is ultimately the Christian 'God' aka God. Even if you say you're an Atheist - as soon as you say Shame you mean - God Wouldn't like it :)
Not much explained... That is because they are pretty clueless. I am friends with the top guy at UCL. He is their professor of neuroscience and THE LEADING expert in the world on ASD and he is pretty clueless too - lol. Honestly it so shocking ts funny.