My autistic son keeps hurting me :(

Hi everyone, 

My son is 8 year old with autism, he is non verbal. Lately he keeps pinching and scratching me and trying to put all his body weight on me or kick me. I'm only 5ft 3 and he is already huge and I can't even lift him. I'm really getting fed up with the hurting I cried my eyes out today because I couldn't take much more. No matter how many times I tell him no, remove his hands from me or send him to his room for time out he doesn't listen and finds it funny. I'm covered in bruises all over my arms from him. When I cry he couldn't care less he just carries on hurting me its like a game to him. He doesn't do it to his dad just to me. I feel like he hates me :( I'm so exhausted and now it's summer holidays I don't see no hope of any respite because dad works all day so I have to take care of him along with his 9 year old sister and 1 year old brother.

Think I'm just looking for some advice or if there is anyone else having the same problems. 

Thank you 

  • I'm so sorry to hear your going through this. I hope the advice already given to you here will be helpful for you.

    I don't have any advice really but I am ashamed to say when I was 11/12 I was very abusive to my own mum, so not my best self. I'm not violent anymore but growing up I was a right cow especially to my mum. I used to hit her, pull her hair, bite her, scream at her and I also threatened her with a knife once. It was despicable of me. I still feel guilty about it now and wish I could undo all of the horrible things I put my mum through. What helped me in the end was that my mum took me to the GP and then I saw a few different people such as a therapist and a behavioural therapy treatment was assigned. They also put me on meds to calm and slow me down. I didn't like it at the time but by 15 I was so much calmer and happier. Looking back I am so grateful to my mum because despite everything she loved me and only wanted to help me become the much calmer and kinder girl I am today. I'm in debt to my mum because without her help and support I'd probably be in prison by now. Now we're closer than ever and every day I tell her how much I love her Slight smile

  • Hi ,

    Thank you for sharing this with the community. I'm sorry to hear that you've had such a challenging time with your son's behaviour.

    We have a page on our website that centres around physical challenging behaviour. Including the possible causes, as well as strategies and interventions your nephew's parents can adopt to improve his behaviour: http://www.autism.org.uk/about/behaviour/challenging-behaviour.aspx

    You may find it useful to have a look at our behaviour guidelines and general behaviour page:

    http://www.autism.org.uk/about/behaviour/guidelines.aspx

    http://www.autism.org.uk/about/behaviour.aspx

    You may also like to contact Young Minds https://youngminds.org.uk/

    who are the UK's leading charity regarding children and young people's mental health and wellbeing.  They have a helpline offering confidential support to anyone concerned about the emotional problems or behaviour of a child or young person.  Their Helpline number is 0808 802 5544.  


    If you were looking for further more information, or if you have any more queries, you may like to contact our Autism Helpline team. You can call them on 0808 800 4104 (Monday to Thursday 10am to 4pm, Friday 9am to 3pm).Please note that the Helpline is experiencing a high volume of calls and it may take a couple of attempts before you get through to speak to an advisor.

    I hope this is useful,

    ChloeMod:)

  • Although you're feeling rubbish, your response is actually really beneficial as its likely giving an insight into your son's world.

    I'm an autistic individual and mum to a fabulous little girl, who is autistic too. When I was younger I used to like putting my body weight onto my brother and he'd kick me off. I loved the sensory sensation. Alternatively, I'm aware of others who do pinching and kicking as they feel ignored and want a response.

    If you don't already, imagine what it's like for you son when he's does things that feel so right to him but the PNTs in his life don't understand and sometimes react in a way that is confusing to him, such as being upset at activities he enjoys. Hopefully, that will help with generating empathy when your feeling pretty crap so that you can parent your son to the best of your ability.

    Can you provide your son with other activities that would feel similar? Such as trying out a kick boxing bag or one of those giant inflatables rugby players practising tackling with.

  • Although you're feeling rubbish, your response is actually really beneficial as its likely giving an insight into your son's world.

    I'm an autistic individual and mum to a fabulous little girl, who is autistic too. When I was younger I used to like putting my body weight onto my brother and he'd kick me off. I loved the sensory sensation. Alternatively, I'm aware of others who do pinching and kicking as they feel ignored and want a response.

    If you don't already, imagine what it's like for you son when he's does things that feel so right to him but the PNTs in his life don't understand and sometimes react in a way that is confusing to him, such as being upset at activities he enjoys. Hopefully, that will help with generating empathy when your feeling pretty crap so that you can parent your son to the best of your ability.

    Can you provide your son with other activities that would feel similar? Such as trying out a kick boxing bag or one of those giant inflatables rugby players practising tackling with.