Hello everyone. I have a 13 year old girl who’s traits include being obsessed with dogs of any nature. She has to see them, pet them, collect things to do with dogs and has always gone on and on about having one. five weeks ago I decided to get a puppy, one that can grow with the family and help her with emotional issues. She gets angry a lot, has little interaction with others and likes to be on her own. bUT it hasn’t gone down as expected. She was angry I tried to surprise her (no surprise), she doesn’t seem that bothered with him and shouts at him when he doesn’t want to be cuddled continuously by her. She wants to sit on the sofa watching TV or being in her phone and is coming across like it’s a chore to have him. I am the one getting up at 430am, toilet training him and cleaning every day. will this get any better? Was it the right decision? Twill she grow with him? many advice would be gratefully received
Hi - it was a nice thought but I don't understand - why didn't you include your daughter in the whole process? Instead, you've dumped a life-changing situation on her with no prior notice and you're expecting her to fine with it and to accept *your* choice of breed and personality of dog.
She's actually doing the same as dogs do - if something enters their personal space that they don't like, they turn their head away and ignore it - and if it gets too close, they snap at it. Can you see the parallels?.
We crave predictability, calmness and controlled situations - and you've accidentally injected a whole load of unplanned four-pawed chaos into hers.
With big changes like this we need to be gently introduced to the idea - "Do you think a dog would help you?" "Do you think you would want to look after a dog?" "What type of dog would be the best fit for you and why?" "If we had a dog, where would it sleep?" "Would you clean up after it?" etc. etc. Only when she's processed all these issues would she be prepared for going to look at dogs with the view to eventually selecting one.
I have to ask - did *you* want the dog and are blaming the bad decision on your daughter because she has her own opinion?
Hello. Thank you for your reply. I appreciate coming back to me. Sorry I think I didn’t word it correctly in my above statement. We had the dog 5 weeks ago, didn’t just decide to get one there and then. It wasn’t a quick decision and took over a year to implement.firstly she was involved in the process. We discussed most of what you said about sleeping, cleaning, routines etc. We looked at size, training abilities and even colours and names. secondly I didn’t necessarily want a dog. I am allergic and have to take antihistamines every day to curb the reaction I get. I solely went into this with the backing of her and her brother also family members.
Aaaah - well that's a different thing - I think what you've got is a 'nose out of joint because she didn't choose the dog / didn't get to see all the puppies / we hate surprises and unplanned changes / and typical teenage strop about it all'. A terrible combination. She missed out on all the things she would have wanted to be directly involved with.
Depending on how wilful she is, she might just ignore the dog forever. It wasn't done on her terms so it doesn't exist - someone else's problem. She might come around when the dog is obviously not going away - when it's part of the furniture - and the least socially demanding thing in her life - 13 is a tough time for girls - just give it time.
What sort of dog is it? What temperament? How old?
He’s a shih Tzu, apparently anti allergy (not for me though ), he is 4 months. She wanted young because she had a big ideal about training him from scratch but now doesn’t seem interested. He is a fun character , likes attention and she finds him funny as isn’t the typical teenager. I will share a picture of him.
My mum similarly got me a puppy when I was 14 because I was pretty obsessed with dogs. My thoughts of having a dog did not really match up to the reality and I struggled with this little creature that had suddenly invaded my space. I did love having her but also needed lots of time by myself, away from the puppy, like your daughter.
Are there any sensory aspects of the dog your daughter likes? Some of the first things that won me over with our dog were her silky ears and soft fur. I guess there's one positive in that she seems to like cuddling him. Does she like taking pictures/videos of the puppy on her phone? (was wondering if that might be a way to help combine phone time and dog time!)
As I matured (and our puppy calmed down) I enjoyed being around her a lot more and also helped my mum look after her more. Have you got someone else helping you with your puppy? I think you did a really nice thing in getting him for your daughter, especially as you're allergic! Dogs can be great for developing emotional skills, too. Hope things get better in time for you.
Thank you. That’s really kind. You make excellent points with the sensory thing, she does like stroking them. I also think the phot thing could become something as she does like pictures.
he hopefully will be trained when he reaches 12 months to help her curb her anger and self harm. I suppose maybe I jump the gun and think while he’s here, trained or not, he will instantly provide relief to her. thank you for your words again.
would I be wrong saying that dogs can actually help people suffering from autism?? i noticed my autist friend is actually much better since she got herself a dog. or that's just coincidence?
They can help immensely
Hi i'm a 21 year old autistic woman and i was wondering if it's to do with the type of dog? Are there certain types of dogs your daughter tends to like more than others? I for example would be dissapointed with a type of dog like a shitsu, i prefer big goofy dogs like golden retrievers and huskies. Did you inform your daughter what type of dog you were going to get her?
I may be completely wrong with this but if she built up an idea of what a dog would be and this was not it then i can imagine it being quite upsetting especially since it's something that can't be changed.
give her a while i bet you she will like him. Get her involved in doing his hair ( washing then cutting ) shih tsu's are harder to train but when u achieve something with them its awesome ---- "give u paw" is the first trick to train them, then "hi five" which is one paw then other paw. They are pretty funny dogs very bossy full of character u can tell i adore them :)
Every time my daughter comes home my shih tsu gets a hair wash and hair cut of some sort they both love it.