Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello, I am a 46 year old woman. My husband has autism and we have been married 14 years , together 16. We have 5 children. In March last year i started work full-time while my husband works from home (he has for 8 years). He met a woman online through a game and they would play together. Then on the 1st of March he started to speak to her on snapchat. I did not know this. He gave this woman a disused email address and my husband did not realise that it was linked to one of our older sons account. They had been having an intense friendship for about 5 weeks. I saw some of the comments and they were over the top and very personal, sending selfies of each other daily. I asked him to stop and he said no. To cut a long story short he stopped after 4 months and all contact stopped 4 months ago. My husband will not admit he had an emotional affair. He struggles to communicate with me. He disclosed to me at the same time that thoughout our marriage he has not been able to talk about his feelings and thoughts, mainly to avoid conflict or any hard conversations. He also believed that he could not talk to women because of a comment i made 7 years ago that was innocent about a dream i had. To now. My husband communicates better online. It is generally women because he seems to get on better. However, after this i am struggling. He also does not read social cues or norms and does not want to learn them. He says that he worries about his intention not what someone else may think. He also seems to attract needy/ damaged women. He is very miserable at the moment as i have asked him to have a break from online activity. I don't know how we move forward. He feels little guilt over the pain he cause me and cannot empathise at all.
There will be more. Does he struggle to communicate or just avoid communication? (my husband avoids and enoys making me stressed over thinking about it)
I'm in the process of splitting up from my husband. But way back in the begining, I moved to a new area to be with him, we had kids, I knew no one, was lonely. He would work away a month or more at a time. There was a Sally, text text text constantly, to where I was talking to myself when he was around me. (I'm pretty sure it was just online and text - I found out, he said oh its nothing etc refused to stop. I sneakily (I know I shouldnt but needed to know) looked at his messages and asked her please leave him alone hes married. I said those exact words no swearing etc. She messaged him straight back not realising that I had his messenger open. She berated me to him.
Next there was a Nicola, she ended up keep calling him, he was like oh its nothing I just work with her sometimes shes in another office. She got nasty when he left the job so obviously was something!
Then there was Nikki, Nikki who started with private messaging, ended up on facebook and blocked me so I couldnt see the messages. Innocent on facebook mind. My friends asked who she was, they had to screen shot the comments. As she was all over evereything he said! He refused to cut her off too.
He has female friends I dont mind that, but these were deffinatly overstepping the lines.
He seemed to enjoy the attention and making me feel awful. There is no excuse for it. I should have left a long time ago, I recently discovered hes a narcasist and gaslighter. My forgiving nature Ive put up with so much these years im exhausted, confused. Should have gotten out sooner