Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
I wanted some advice. My daughter I believe has autism and I am very weary about getting a diagnosis. She is now 13 and it’s becoming a problem in regards to her friends.
She doesn’t see the bad in anyone and has some terrible friends. She doesn’t like communicating so I arrange everything. I am exhausted and I don’t particularly like any of her friends Some are mean, Some are manipulative , spread lies about her, Cause drama. She is quiet and doesn’t know how to stand up for herself.
the trouble is I help her make friends and keep friends. But the quality she has Is poor. But I think is it better than being alone?
she gets sad if she is on her own and I don’t think it’s good for her mental health. But I am exhausted as I go out with her as generally if I’m not there she will be picked on.
I don’t know how to get help for this and if I did decide I wanted a diagnosis what help can anyone provide especially in regards to friends.
please help
I think Plastics reply is very helpful, friendships are and will always be tough to maintain and teenage years particularly difficult.
I played in a sports team and highly recommend anything like that! It’s what kept me out of trouble, focused and gave me that social aspect without it being too full on or needing the full requirements of friendship. Finding a good team is key though and in something she enjoys... I played in the same team for almost 10 years and they were the best bunch of girls (sports girls tend to be easier for me to get on with than your typical girly girl) but when I moved up to play professional I found myself more isolated than I needed to just by some of the egos that brings and if I could merge the talent of the newer team with the main team aspects from my original it would be perfect!
having some kind of goal or purpose with a group brings great rewards and then I didn’t feel as bad especially as a teen when I couldn’t go out or didn’t want to because I want tired or had to play and it definitely made the biggest difference growing up!
That’s very good advice thank you. She is not a sports person , she’s quiet so doesn’t want to do drama. I will have to look at some clubs and see I was looking at sea scouts
Sport isn’t for everyone but finding something that she enjoys and can get stuck into with other people in some form of group will bring so much
it won’t be easy and there’s been many times over the years where I have almost been forced to go it ultimately it did me the world of good! I would psych myself up before going and it would always be a constant battle but once I got there I would be okay and would enjoy it - this is why it’s key it has to be something she actually wants to do too otherwise it’ll be a battle to get there and a nightmare to get through.
its very tough with everything going on at the moment to get to groups and clubs but they are slowly starting to emerge and reopen and this may be a better way to start something as it will all be phased and slowly introduced into full sessions which may help her ease in
good luck!
Yes, it depends what her interests are really. Interests can be an autistic person's route to learning and making friends. Presumably she really wants to get on with everyone. Maybe nature or wildlife would be her thing - and Woodcraft Folk is an alternative to scouts.
I also wanted to say that being 'quiet' shouldn't put anyone off drama or performance. There are many autistic/aspie performers who were able to express themselves through stage personas: Anthony Hopkins, Paddy Considine, Daryl Hannah for example.