Our son won’t get help..

Hi all, 

this is our first time posting. My partners adult son (20) was diagnosed with Asperges 3 years ago and depression 4 years ago. The diagnoses was when he was at college. He struggled making friend and keeping friends along with communicating in social circles.

After college he became very vacant, he doesn’t have many friends if any. He has never had a job and didn’t go on to university. He said that he found it too difficult and was too anxious.

He was on the waiting list for CBT and counselling through the NHS for atleast 2 years when he was then offered the help he insistent that this was Impossible for him.  he needed to interact face to face. We explained to him about CBT, he agreed to do video call as long as my partner (his mum was with him). He has since declined the help.

He is currently going through a stage speaking over social media to multiple woman and has met some. He appears to jump from relationship to relationship. But is adamant he cannot get the help or work due to having to have face to face contact.

He will also sleep all day not get up until between 2pm-6pm sometimes as late 730pm and not help around the house. And when challenged he can become aggressive and sarcastic. 

this is starting to take its toll on his younger brother, mum and myself. 
we always offer to be there for him to speak to face to face or even through tx or notes if he were to find it easier but he appears to shut us out and is more interested in either sleeping all day or talking to unknown girls. 

we just want to help our son. 

Parents
  • He must be feeling a tremendous sense of failure. And he may well perceive attempts to help as interference. And no doubt the spectre of unemployment looms?

    It it difficult to know what to suggest, he clearly isn't a happy bunny right now. He needs to get some kind of sense of autonomy or independence for himself, but maybe fears that's beyond him. 

    Is there any way to get him into some kind of halfway house accommodation where he might feel he is starting to take on adult life on his own terms a little more?

Reply
  • He must be feeling a tremendous sense of failure. And he may well perceive attempts to help as interference. And no doubt the spectre of unemployment looms?

    It it difficult to know what to suggest, he clearly isn't a happy bunny right now. He needs to get some kind of sense of autonomy or independence for himself, but maybe fears that's beyond him. 

    Is there any way to get him into some kind of halfway house accommodation where he might feel he is starting to take on adult life on his own terms a little more?

Children
  • We haven’t mentioned to either of our two but we are looking at moving. Somewhere bigger and closer to where we work. Where we are looking has more opportunity for the both of them with education, work and help via counselling/mentoring. One house we’ve seen has an annexe. We are thinking that will give him independence. He is still close to home but can start to be independent. we have mentioned the possibility of moving in the past and he has closed it down straight away and said he is not moving. 

    Regarding independence when we attended the GP to refer him to counselling she made suggestion that he were to do his own washing or atleast cook 1 meal a week for himself or if he felt ready for the family. Due to him not getting up till between 2pm-6pm he would just wake and eat a slice of bread. Or the rest of the family would be waiting till extremely late to eat.  When explaining to him he cannot be in bed all day he will become very sarcastic and even shout in my partners face that he doesn’t care. Due to us both working shifts our other son tells us what’s going on at home but begs not to say it’s from him as he’s worried he will get it from our eldest. 
    we are stuck in such a situation. 

    the idea of him being told he has to live somewhere else even if it’s a suggestion of an assisted living would tip him over he edge either into a panicking emotional reck or rage. On one occasion in lock down he snuck out to meet a girl. His brother is high risk and we’ve been extremely careful around him when he was aware we found out he was terrified we would chuck him out and was sweet as light, very helpful and getting up it was as if he thought if he didn’t he would of been thrown out