Not sure how much more i can take

I'm sorry for the rant guys and girls but I'm not sure how much ,more i can take. My 16 year daughter has asd and over the last year her anxieties and depression have spiralled massively. Obviously this has been made worse with the lock down which in the beginning she was so out of control and unable to sleep I had to make the decision to send her back to school and put her on melatonin. 

Then I found out she had confided in a family member she was self harming ( something I kick myself for for not noticing the signs ) I immediately contacted the gp who sent another referral of to the paediatricians and notified the school but each of the,m sent me a letter to say because she is seeing a cbt there isn't much more help than what she is already GETTING! 

I attend her cbt meetings every week something the school and the counsellor thought would help her open up but every week is the same old s##t she will refuse to go in and then once we have taken forever to get her in she says everything is horrible ... like how she feels is horrible going to school is horrible.  There is never anything positive come out of the meetings. 

It's sole destroying listening to your child say her life is ***, she worries constantly about everyone and anything and will often say we don't understand her but it's not that we don't try but we walk on egg shells around her especially now that I know she could self harm her again.

It seems no professional will help her or us has a family because her behaviour is down to the asd but I feel now I am letting her down because she no longer a little girl that I can hug when things are bad these days I have to wait and be there when she wants or feels the need for cuddles 

Take care people

  • Keep trying, you never know when your luck will change.

  • Hi I'm new to this forum. As a parent of a daughter who had ASD and also self-harms I can empathise with what you are going through. As frustrated as you are, please be assure you are not letting your daughter down, you are frustrated and the services out there are pretty much non existence. Mainly due to funding, lack of knowledge and that makes life even harder and some people just don't get that.

    I understand how exhausting it is, constantly going round in circles only to find yourself in the same place or even 2 steps back from where you started. When my daughter started to self harm, I was advised by her psychiatrist that self-harming is deep routed which I should not stop and instead I should make sure that what she is using is clean. That sounded so wrong to me and I still do not feel comfortable with it, but it meant she didn't get infected. Her legs are still scared but not as bad now.

    At the time she was very depressed so as advised I hid all the medicines and I had to leave my job to be with her to make sure she was safe, we tried to talk through her feelings which was not always met with enthusiasm and instead she would shut off from me. it was not easy for either of us. My daughter struggled with feelings of not fitting in, she felt numb and at the same time deeply saddened.

     After, she spent 2 years out of school, where it transpired she was bullied we eventually found a small special school and they helped her rebuild her self esteem and confidence. On occasions she still self-harms but we are more able to deal with these triggers. Self harming is sometimes triggered when she is overwhelmed with emotions she cannot express in words.

    You will know the right environment for your daughter, ask her about the things which make her happy and the things that she would change. It sounds so simple I know and I hope you don't feel I am trying to teach you to suck eggs I am not, I am merely sharing my experience and saying stay strong you are reaching out for help and your daughter has spoken about what she is doing and that is a good starting point.

    I really feel your pain, I often broke down myself and said I cannot take any more, it is just heart breaking. You are not alone and you will get through this.

  • Hello , I empathise completely.  My daughter wasn't self harming but was suicidal. It is so hard and seeing your child self harming is very painful. Maybe she is still in need of hugs? What you can do is continue to reassert that you are there for her, so she could go to you for anything. Maybe try to de-dramatise the self harm so she could come to you without feeling guilty, if you see what I mean. For what I know CBT is not very helpful unless the therapist makes huge adaptations for ASC.. 

  • Cognitive behaviour therapy will not do a world of good unless there therapist understand autism spectrum disorder on a neurodevelopmental level. when I did cognitive behavioural therapy they used a lot of techniques that involved imagination and visualisation. a skill that I can not do as I myself have aphantaisa which the in ability to create images within my mind, despite this I am a visual learner. cognitive behaviour therapy wasn't designed for the use on patients with autism spectrum disorder and to be honest in most cases can be dangerous if practice incorrectly. you can not fundamentally change the fact that your child with autism experiences external stimuli that is causing uncomfortable sensation or pain that they cannot explain to you in way you can understand and empathise with.

    Cognitive behavioural therapy is better of being used in treating someone with cigarette & drug dependency. not in people with neurodevelopmental disorder where the brain docent function typically and their cant alter or understand they way someone on the autism spectrum thinks and understands themselves.

    if your child cant cope within the school setting and has a autism diagnosis you don't have to send her to school. their are other option out their for her. I'm not suggesting a specialist school. their is online educational facilities, their early access opportunity's to college into doing level 1 or level 2 course in doing something she truly enjoys like animal care, carpentry, animation, art and computer science. 

    the best support out their for your autistic child is you the parent, you need to understand her not just the autism diagnosis, yes its a major part of her personalities but finding a solutions to challenges that work for her and yourself is the best route. its going to involve a lot of compromise from you the parent but you cant force and expect your child reach milestones that other children are reaching at her age.