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First Post - Need advice please

NAS67622

Hi, I guess I have found my way here not through clinical diagnosis but I guess concern out of instinct and love for my 3 year old son and in hope that someone else may have experienced a similar situation and could share some possible next steps.

We have already contacted the GP who advised reaching out to the health visitor but after a week of trying to get this support nobody has come back to us.  I now spend every minute of my time with him evaluating/assessing/guessing what is wrong (if anything) and is so upsetting as I'm beginning to forget what spending time with him without these feelings and without worry looks like. 

He has always been an 'intense' boy but have always used words like stubborn or energetic to rationalise his behaviour. We never previously thought anything could be wrong as he's so loving, interactive in play and socialble. He spends time with family, friends and nursery and no concerns have been raised. 

Lockdown hasn't been kind to us and can't begin to say exactly how it's impacted him but it's either changed him or made us realise what was always there. In summary it's been the most difficult time trying to handle this situation with our soon to be 2 year old and both continue to work. Interaction with others has been non existent and the pressure on us and him intensified. 

His behaviour has come more intense than ever, he doesn't listen to simple instructions and 75% of the time having to negotiate, he has regressed with his speach to almost babyish, has regressed with potty training significantly and almost like we're starting again after having him fully potty trained and mostly waking up with dry nappies. He has strange eye and head movements which dont make much sense to us. He used to roll his eyes back during bedtime hour but now does it regularly, sometimes shaking or nodding his head. He has become more aggressive and will lash out regularly to his sister and mummy and even this week randomly came to me during a conversation and kicked me. 

Like I said earlier one day more of having this strange relationship with him is one day too many and just really want some help or advice and help me get back to just loving him dearly. 

Thank you. 

  • Hello, since the lockdown I work full time from home. I'm from time to time in skype meetings and it's obvious that people with children all have a harder time than usual. A colleague told me her 4 year old was being aggressive, they live in a small apartment in the city. 

    The fact that you and your partner need to keep working full time also puts lots of stress, the economy is starting to show cracks, it's not a pleasant time. My wife and I also still work fulltime, but she had to start another project for a different subcontractor, and that's difficult, new people, different atmosphere. 

    If it's possible I would advise to go out from time to time, if it's allowed, just a brisk stroll in the park.

    My son is 15 and daughter 18, they're grown up, lucky me. But for you probably also a source of hope, they do grow up, it gets a lot better. 

  • in reply to NAS67622

    It may well be that some of the behaviours are the first signs of some underlying problem or difficulty. I have also heard that assessments on children don't usually happen before the age of 3 or 4 because that's when the 'traits' often start to show. Or lockdown may well be highlighting existing difficulties more.

    I just wouldn't be overly worried at this stage and perhaps just ask for some advice to manage behaviour and keep monitoring things. One tip that worked with my daughter was to give no attention to bad behaviour, or simply say "mummy is going away for a minute because I'm sad about....." and just turn away briefly. And then to really reward all good behaviour. E.g a big hug every night "mummy is so happy you didnt have an accident today", or "that was such kind sharing with your brother you've made me so happy" and then play something fun as the reward. It really worked as all her bad behaviour was for attention 

    So yes there may be something else going on, and only time will tell. But it could just be a normal childhood phase. I became so concerned with my daughter's behaviour, did she have autism, did she have ADHD, did she have anger problems and need some kind of therapy. Then after a while it all just stopped and she was like a different child. Good luck, parenting is so hard when they cant explain what's going on in their world! 

  • in reply to NAS67035

    Thank you so much, being so isolated it's difficult to understand what's normal or not. There have been some fairly signicant changes in behaviour and instinct kicks in. I spent many hours looking online reading and watching videos which if I'm honest led me here. I am aware that the Internet isn't the best place to go for advice which is why I thought I'd ask experts who live and breathe this. Thank you again for taking the time with such a nice reply. 

  • From what you've posted, nothing sounds too worrying. Certainly doesn't sound like ASD. My daughter went through a phase exactly like you've described when she was 3. So did most of my friend's children. It's all pretty normal for that age. People talk about the terrible 2's but the worst stage usually hits when they are 3 (lots of info online if you look). It's to do with them not being able to understand or control their emotions yet, going through big developmental changes etc. You will find lots of  information and advice online, but to me it sounds like a normal 3 year old's behaviour, who is perhaps struggling even more due to lockdown. All my friends children under the age of 10 are playing up a lot more recently, including my daughter age 5 who in the last few weeks has started getting angry again, used baby talk, had toiletting accidents many times, lashed out at her brother. My cousins 4 year old has been the same and my friends 3 and 6 year olds also. It's a strange world for them at the moment