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When to contact CAMHS

NAS66663

My daughter is 10, she is a lovely, kind, funny and very sharp young girl who was diagnosed with autism last year.  In addition, she bullies, attacks, spits, insults, throws, kicks and lashes out.  Since lockdown I am so pleased to see her ticks (neck thrashing, clucking, teeth grinding) has stopped since she is off school.... on the other hand she is distressed at this new normal and keeps asking 'to go home', says that she wants to die so others can live and has tried to run away.   She can cling to you, love you then despite you and want you to die.  She feels noone loves her and if I am honest at times her behaviors are hard to love..... but of course I love her.  She attacks and bullies her sister who is struggling as a result.  School is absent - its terrible,  child development team and school nurse had some contact after my emails and told me 'you are doing well'.   I know that I am but there are times I have said some awful things and I know this impacts on her self -esteem but it is impacting on my wellbeing now.   I am just simply desperate.   At times - it feels fine then it feels desperate - her bheaviours, emotions and reactions are all over the place.  

When is it ok to contact CAMHS, is this right for her or will it label her and leave her with a history - its such a huge responsibility.  I just feel I am failing her

  • As a parent of an autistic child, I understand how you feel.  Unfortunately, CAMHS seem to be understaffed and overstretched in most areas. Like any other condition, autistic children do need therapy to cope with life .  For my child they just gave me the diagnosis and handed me a bunch of leaflets to read and sort the situation out myself! It's appalling that no therapy has been offered. I have heard of therapies like CBT and ABA, but I am unaware if CAMHS offer any. I know of some acquaintances who fund their children's therapy privately. The child has a 1to1 session with a psychologist periodically and that seems to have helped.

    My son is of the same age as yours. He lashes out at us and has meltdowns when he ask him to do things he doesn't want to do. We use Carol Gray's social stories sometimes, which has helped to a certain extent. There are books that teach you how to write social stories. And of course more importantly, lots of patience. 

    I hope this helps. x

  • in reply to TheShowMustGoOn

    Yes - it really does help to know that you are not alone.   It's amazing when you read posts and feel like its like you have just written it.  Always happy to chat as I find it helps me cope - today was a tough day again - but coping nevertheless. 

  • No advice but just wanted to say Hi as so much of what you write here is the same for me. Sometimes it helps us to know that we are not alone. xx

  • Hello 

    Welcome to the community. I am sorry to hear you are struggling with your daughter at the moment.

    I have attached a link below on challenging behaviour as this might give you some tips:

    https://www.autism.org.uk/about/behaviour/challenging-behaviour.aspx

    You may like to contact our Parent to Parent service who offers emotional support to parents and carers of children or adults with autism. This service is confidential and run by trained parent volunteers who are all parents themselves of a child or adult with autism . 

     

    You contact the team on 0808 800 4106. Please leave a message and the team will call you back as soon as possible at a time that suits you, including evenings and weekends. Alternatively you can use contact the team via web form: https://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines/parent-to-parent/enquiry.aspx

    I hope this helps.

    Best Wishes

    Lorraine Mod

  • in reply to NAS23348

    Thank you so much for this . Yes, this is a good plan and better to try than sit back.   She is simply quite a remarkable young girl as is her sister, both unique in their own ways.. just want to do right by them but also myself too. 

    Thank you

  • In my area you have to get a referral to CAHMS from the GP. My suggestion is to make an appointment for her at the doctor and go without her. It can take ages to be seen and I'd worry more about her mental health than a label. If you have a good GP they will advise you.

    CAHMS services can be mixed in terms of quality but if you're worried my opinion is it's got to be better to try something that just hope for the best. Remember this is the opinion of someone who doesn't know you or your daughter so trust your judgement.

    Tying your best for her us all you can do. With hindsight you may decide that whatever you did was not the best option but provided you did it to assist it's not failing. Not caring is not failing.