Worried about my son

I'm really worried about my three year old son. I'm a teacher, so have worked with children with Autism/ Aspergers. I've spotted traits of Aspergers in my little boy for a long time now, but kept on telling myself that he is OK. Recently I have really become worried about him. On reading some of the information on this website, I felt I had to try to get some advice and help.

He is nearly 3 and a half. He was an angelic baby: hardly ever cried and slept like a dream. He was fast to crawl and walk, and ate well. He was also very fast to learn how to do games eg: stacking rings and shape sorters.

He began to exhibit worrying aspects when he was around 18 months. He suddenly became a terribly fussy eater. I tried to follow the advice of the health visitors but nothing has worked. He will eat certain foods, eg: fruit, ready brek, sweet things, but other foods he will just not touch and gags on if persuaded to try. He also hardly drinks any fluid at all. We have tried everything including juice and cordial, to no avail.

He is very routine obsessed. He insists on doing things in the same order every day, and gets upset if this order is not followed. He even wants to have the same conversations with me every day at certain points for days/ weeks on end.

He has unusual obsessions for a little boy. He is fascinated with wind turbines and fans. Also with washing machines.

His memory is incredible. He will remember something from when he was just a baby, perhaps around 2 years ago, and be completely correct. He will remember anything anyone has even mentioned to him, and remembers routines and orders.

He finds it very difficult to play. His preschool have commented on this again and again. He likes to play with electrical items, eg: he will spend a good 20 minutes switching the hoover on and off, but has no interest in normal preschool toys and activites.

He is incredibly numerate, and could count as soon as he could talk (he hardly talked at all until the age of two and then came out with full sentences and a huge vocabulary). He is also already reading well above his age, but shows no interest in writing and has poor motor skills with crayons/ pencils. He is obsessed with shapes and could name lots of them as soon as he could talk, including difficult ones like trapezuim, hexagon etc.

He has lots of fears. He is expecially terrified on sudden noises. He is also frightened of people saying hooray, and I cannot seem to explain to him that this is something people do when they are happy. He is terrified of being apart from me, and cries and cries when I drop him at preschool.

Preschool have also commented that he does not interact at all with the other children. out in parks and playgrounds he is often quite frightened of other children, and makes no attempt to play with them.

He also loathes mess, and gets very upset if he spills a tiny amount of food, or gets any on his hands.

He seems to have no sense of danger. He constantly touches electrical items around the house and plugs, despite us constantly telling him not to and explaining the danger. He also has no road sense, and would step out off the pavement if I was not constantly hanging onto his hand.

On the up side, he can be very affectionate to us, his parents, and his Granny and Grandma. He loves to listen to music, and remembers all the words to songs on just a couple of hearings, though he refuses to sing in singing time at school. He loves books, and likes being read to.

Any advice would be wonderful. I don't really know who to turn to, and it is really getting to me at the moment. Do others think that he may be Aspergers, or is he just having a tough toddler phase? Who should I turn to for help? Do I need to speak to the health visitors or my doctor etc? I have been very, very keen to avoid having a "label" put on him, but recently I am wondering what is the right way forward to help him.

  • Hi Stardust.

    We have a 4 1/2 year old and he was diagnosed this year with ASD. Like you, we noticed he had some behaviour we thought may mean a form of autism - He spins things for ages, stares at things through his fingers, switches things on and off to name a few.

    we decided to push for hom to be assessed, as the worst thing that could happen was we would be told he was normal, and the best thing would be to get him support should he need it in time for school.

    We spoke to his nursery who had seen some of his behaviours and fears, and after several assessments with a pedeatritian both in his nursery and in the ASD clinic we were abe to bring everything together and get a diagnosis.

    Although this is a label, it means when he starts school he will have the benefit of the SENCO knowing his diagnosis, and having strategies to help him stabalise and cope in a new environment with lots of others. Our worst fear was him getting to school and being labelled as a 'naughty' child or 'loner' and being left behind. Now we have some input and power to help make sure he does not get left behind, and also the school receive funding to help children who need it, which is fantastic.

    Also as part of the process both our sons mother and I have been able to go on a training course on learning about and living with ASD children, and will be able to take part in a longer set of sessions in 2018 along with our son.

    We love him so much, and in  many ways he is the perfect child who is clever, has manners, loves music and is fascinated by so many things. We are just so glad we went through the process and can help him have the best possible journey through the school system, and give him the best possible choices in the future.

    I highly reccomend assessment, as it will teach you many things whatever the outcome!

    If you have any questions I would be happy to go through any more in detail Slight smile

    Hang in there!

  • Hello,

    Your son sounds just like my son who is 4 next month :) Routine obsessed, excellent memory, numbers, technology, hates mess, fussy eater etc. Like your boy, mine is also very loving. My son has been described as "severely autistic" by his pre-school support worker, (which annoyed me a bit but i guess she's the expert!) and we get the highest rate of DLA for him. We have had such wonderful support from his special nursery and he has come on leaps and bounds this year. If we hadn't had referred him and got the diagnosis (a year later which was considered quick, it doesn't happen overnight) then I honestly don't know where we'd be now. A lot worse off than we are i bet. We have been through a pretty horrendous few weeks with behavioural issues and his nursery have been our rock. We are now putting measures in place to calm him down and ease his tantrums which seem to be working.

    I would definately ask for a referral. Anything to make your lives and your sons life easier is worth doing, there is so much help available. 

    Emma.

  • Hi stardust66,

    It must be hard knowing what to do that will be best for your son. You could call our helpline and talk about your concerns with an adviser. They will be able to tell you about the process of diagnosis, but can also listen to the worries you have about pursuing it further. Their number is 0808 800 4104, and they are open 10-4, Mon-Fri.

    Thanks,

    philippab - mod

  • hi again - these are the behaviours my son exhibited from 0 - 5 yrs :

    *  getting massively upset at times, even as a baby

    *  having to be v close to me, unless asleep, even as a baby, v upset if not the case.

    *  love of numbers, so anything like a digital clock, microwave, etc wd be exciting

    *  stickler for routine - dreadfully upset if any routine he liked changed

    *   unimaginative play - lining things up

    *  didn't make friends + showed little interest in other children 

    *  more interested in objects than people

    *   understood some words + simple commands but didn't speak until he was 5, then said a short sentence.  Had speech + language therapy.

    *  used to spin when over-stimulated

    *  could write before he could speak

    *  would only eat certain foods at home but ate other foods in other places, such as school.

    *  has always had a gd sense of humour

    *  has always been gd problem solver

    *  loved Thomas the tank engine, postman pat + fireman sam

    *  loved fun physical activities such as swimming, play parks

    bw - hope this helps you decide what to do.

  • It does sound like he's on the spectrum. Can you print out your post, take it to his GP and see what they say?

  • Hi.

    If it was me, I would seek a referal to have him assessed, even if you are not sure. It may come back that he isn't on the spectrum, but you will know and thats the important thing.

    Don't worry to much about a label, no-one likes to label their kids, but sometimes a label is just what they need to get the support and care they need to progress, and if it turns out he is on the spectrum, he will need some support, as will you.

    Its hard not to question if your child is different or not, we have a diagnosis and i still question it and wonder of they are actually wrong, but then i think, what if they're not, all i know is that i want my child to grow to his full potential and if this means having specialist support, then so be it.

  • Thanks for your response. Do you mind me asking what sort of behaviour traits your son exhibited, which led you to getting him assessed?

  • hi stardust66 - welcome.  You seem undecided about what to do.  On the 1 hand you are clearly concerned about some aspects of your son's behaviour, as is his preschool. On the other hand you worry you're taking things too seriously.  You are also concerned about him being labelled.  I would agree that anyone who's wrongly labelled gets a raw deal.  When it comes to autism I think differently.  My son's had the "label" since he was 2.9 yrs old.  It has enabled him to attend a school specifically for children with autism, given us access to respite care, a social worker, extra money via DLA, access to a voluntary befriending organisation for him.  When he left school it allowed us to access supported living for him with staff who understand autism.  So the label actually was a positive development.   I think from what you've described in your post that you should ask your gp or hv to refer him for a diagnosis.  If he isn't on the spectrum then you'll know.  If he is then it'll open the door to services he needs.  Have a look around the site.  There are many posts from parents who are fighting to get a diagnosis because their child is struggling in so many ways.  Everyone here understands how big a deal it is to request a diagnosis + to go through the process + maybe get a confirmation of autism, but it's so important for your child + in the end it'll help your whole family.  bw