Hi
My son is in his second term at an all boys selective secondary school and the school very quickly identified him as likely Aspergers and ADD. He was overwhelmed in his first term and lost almost every one of his belongings! He also couldn't find his way around the school or organise his books/homework. He also confessed about three weeks in that he found the social side of school very difficult and was extremely distressed about how isolated he felt.
The school is giving him some good support (one-to-one study sessions, a friendship group and 3 sessions a term with the clinical pscyhologist) but he is in a state of confusion and upset about his inability to make friends. At his primary school (where he grew up with his classmates) he was popular and his friends had great affection for him. He did of course get teased and was hypersensitive, but on the whole he managed. At home it was a different story; very challenging as he was so oppositional about very basic things like brushing his teeth, eating his meals etc. I did seek help several times from his primary school, but as he was doing so well academically, they didn't see him as needing extra support.
The lack of professional support has taken an enormous toll on our family. There is often tension in our household as my husband is lacking in empathy about our son's difficulties (though he tries to be supportive) and I am extremely over-emotional and hypersensitive about his needs. I suffer from severe Anxiety and Depression which is instantly triggered when my son is suffering. (I suspect there may be some spectrum behaviours here too). My brother and father were both Aspergers.
I think, with the support he's now getting, my son will begin to work out how to fit in better. He is quite aware of different psychologies (even though he's obviously missing the social cues) and will eventually learn some of the rules, but it's clearly going to be a painful journey along the way. I am concerned about my own mental health in this and my inability to cope wtih his pain. I had a terrible, lonely time at school myself, as did my brother who was completely isolated throughout his 20s and 30s (though now happily married). When I over-empathise/over-analyse and my depression/anxiety kicks in, this then causes strain in my marriage. We are trapped in a pretty unhealthy pattern!
I would be so grateful to hear from other parents who've experienced similar things. I would be particularly grateful for tips about where to get support and how to explain things to my son in a way that will help him move forward. At the moment - without an official diagnosis yet - we're talking in terms of being 'differently wired' and 'not neurotypical'. We're also emphasising all the ways in which my son is AMAZING (he really is!) and how creative and unique his thinking is. He also has a great sense of humour and a real flair for comedy so I have no doubt this 'difference' will be his superpower some day. It's just getting to that point without any of us having a BREAKDOWN!
I look forward to 'speaking' to some of you.
