Worried about son’s possible diagnosis

Indeed. I’m grateful for everyone’s support on here and for taking the time to talk to me and educate me. 

Anxiety and uncertainty can be a nasty combination, don't be afraid to ask questions. Great group of people here happy to share what we can.

Ok thanks for clarifying. I suffer with anxiety and I think I am struggling a bit with it at the moment. 

I think you're worrying about possibilities again. We're talking about stereotypes to let you know these things won't serve YOU well, aside from inaccuracy they'll be bad for your mental wellbeing, and that concerns us.

All these fears are natural. Not at all offended.

That’s exactly right I’m worried about how he will cope in the future. I wouldn’t change anything about him for the world, I love his quirkyness and he’s extremely affectionate, caring and funny.  The good thing is that the school have already picked something up so he’ll get that support in place early on. I think he is confused, the other night he asked what it’s like being a girl as being a boy is hard. Think he’s picked up on something. After I took him to the gp he asked why we were talking in funny voices. 

I wouldn’t say my husband is burying his head in the sand I think he’s just worrying about his future as like me, he isn’t educated in autism (although I have learnt a lot from this forum already), and rather than being more understanding he’s gone the other way and is being even more strict as he think it will help. 

Sounds like you have done everything you can to get the support your son needs. I’m not sure how old your son is but if he was at primary school a while ago then perhaps the teachers weren’t as well trained in autism as they are nowadays and then support wasn’t as readily available as it is now. 

Thanks for the OCD link I’ll have a look. 

Hey there, 

I completely get where you're coming from. My son was diagnosed at 6 and my husband (now ex) completely buried his head in the sand in regards to the diagnosis and even though we have been divorced since a year after that he still won't discuss it.  I think and I hope I am correct but it's not the diagnosis that worries you it's what this means and the impact for your son.  What troubles will he have growing up? Everyone is different even with a diagnosis of autism. I cried my eyes out when we received the diagnosis, not because he was autistic but because I was worried about what the future held. What support would he get, how would he cope with school, etc? He had and still has major sensory issues. mainly sounds- the signs where there at primary school, he couldn't cope with a fire drill, if a helicopter went over the school he hated it. He can't cope with noisy rooms and now he's older he says he hears everything in class to the point he can't concentrate.   And his sense of smell is phenomenal. He can smell a vinegar (his personal hate) from a mile away. 

All I can say his celebrate his differences he's likely to be so confused himself. Make sure he can talk to you about anything. Home in on his abilities- I bet he's got loads! If there is something he's into, get him involved. My son has attended a drama group since he was 10- he's nearly 16 now and it's been so good for him. He is going on to study this at college. 

Like previously advised- keep a record of everything. If you have trouble or issues at school make sure there's an audit trail. Not gonna lie, school, especially senior school was a nightmare for us and this is really when the trouble started really really fight for extra support. To put it bluntly, be a pain in the *** because looking back I wish I had been more assertive in primary school days and didn't allow myself to get fobbed off. 

i have no experience of OCD but this might be of interest 

https://www.ocdaction.org.uk/

Thanks for replying. I hope you will read my reply to NAS50301 as I feel I may have offended some people and I really didn’t mean that. I was worried last night as my husband hasn’t reacted very well to this and it felt like he was being harder on him than usual on him over things like not using his cutlery or not paying attention to things. He’s thinks I’m too soft but that’s just my approach and I think he responds better to that. He was getting annoyed at his throat clearing tic.

Thanks for reassuring me about his future and helping to educate me. It is good that the school have picked this up I just wasn’t expecting it. The teacher said it will be good to have the suppose in place even if he doesn’t need it just now he may need it in the future and it will he there if he needs it. 

Im not sure what ls causing the tics but maybe he’ll grow out of it, the teacher thinks it’s all linked anyway.

I meant to say not know rather than now know as I said above but I think you picked up on that. Thanks again, and as I said to NAS50301’s comment, I hope I haven’t offended anyone as I really didn’t mean that. I am not educated in autism and I just don’t want any difficulties for him in life. 

Unknown said:

it sounds like your views are based on outdated stereotypes

It is understandable that you are worried as a parent. Of course you want the right thing for your child and scary words are  well scary. But this is because of stereotyped meaning part of society assigns to those words. NAS50301 is spot on. 

Your son is who he is, if it means he is autistic, he is still exactly the same child and the future is open to him in every way. Most limitations for autistic people comes from endemic ableism in society. Not from autism.

At this stage it is very important for you as a parent to carefully choose your sources of information about autism and disability generally. The ableist tragedy brigade is not going to help you and even less your child. He will grow up and will have his life to live, he will want a job and a relationship, he will want to be accepted and respected for who he is, his difference appreciated as part of the rich human diversity.  If he is autistic, the ableist stereotypes are not going to help him. You need to be on his side.

On a practical level take the hints from the school and start compiling a case for his referral to the pediatrician/CAMHS and for the Education Health and Care Plan assessment. You are very lucky that the school is supportive and are giving you hints. Too often children ar left t linger and fail without support until their self esteem and mental health start to suffer badly. Time is important, so channel your worries into action.

Talk to NAS helpline, to SOSSEN about the SEN process, you will have to complete all the circles before you get where you need to be..

The tics could be Tourette's but I don't know enough about this. 

It does that, you start second guessing and questioning yourself all the time. My best tip is to stick with the present, ground your reality in the evidence of what you see rather then what might be.

Yes it’s really good that the school have highlighted it whatever it is. I think it’s the now knowing that’s making it harder.

You're welcome, sounds like he's in great hands either way. :)

Thanks for replying and the reassurance. It’s all just been a bit of a shock when they said they thought there was something. My mum used to be a teacher and that’s what she thinks he’s showing signs of and when I told the teacher that she agreed that was one of the things going through their minds. The other thing might be ADHD but they wouldn’t say. I’m just a worrier.

It could be a lot of things, firstly don't stress over possibilities - there's no end to that rabbit hole for parents of any child.

Secondly the future probably doesn't hold what you think, stereotypes abound and the statistics from the older generations aren't a good indicator as the world has changed so much. Particularly with the internet.