I live in Hove area. My child is 6 now and is in year 1. Sometimes is so overwhelming. Other parents will never ever get anything we go through. I don't know any groups or friends with special needs kids. I am desperate to speak to someone. Its been 4 years I have spent like this
This approach has changed our whole conversational focus to my children focusing on themselves and their growth and not focused on comparing themselves to what others perceive as normal social interactions. We frame it as living 'our vibe' and we approach it positively.
This is a fantastic point. The main thing is that our children feel they are growing and comparing themselves with themselves.
I have two autistic children, they are much older than yours, but I still remember years 1 and 2. It is the most difficult time without any support. You need to allow yourself some 'me' time and some time where you allow yourself to not be the perfect parent and just accept that you can't juggle all those balls and some of them are going to fall and that's fine. Just choose the smaller number o balls you will keep in the air.
There are parent support groups in many areas, if you look at your Local Authority website (local council) they should have what is called 'Local offer' with the list of all support groups that exist locally.
You can also try NAS service directory, maybe something is listed for your area.
You could also try NAS helpline to access their parents peer to peer support , which might be helpful if you want to talk to someone with similar experience.
Hello. I live in the hove area too. I'm autistic, single mum with two beautiful children, 7 and 10, both autistic too. What I've learnt since my kids have started school is that friendships at school are like the wind; forever changing and impossible to keep up with. Most kids friendships are via their parents arranging play dates thinking that their kids are forming forever friendship bonds, where infact the next week, friendships at school change again (albeit parents still arrange playdates.) I used to be worried about my kids making friends (I am not a great example to follow in this vein from my childhood :) ) I was so determined that I would try and make their experience different and positive but it always ended up with me feeling like a failure or worrying.
My daughter is now 10 and I would say that she and all the children in her year at school are starting to form real friendships, their interests have developed and differences too. I changed my approach after I realised I was beating myself up about what I thought friendships at a young age should be. Instead I started to focus my energy to teach conversational starters and role play social skills to my children instead; I started that when my oldest was 6. That it wasn't important to have 'just' one friend, but instead to learn to engage with other children on their own terms (armed with helpful tactics to try.) It was a daily game with my son when he first started school. I used to challenge him in the morning with 'ask someone to play with xx today and tell me what happens tonight.' We would then talk about it at bedtime; how did it go, did it work, what happened next etc. no matter what happened, we talked about it as if it was a positive experiment, a game where there is no wrong, only right.
We still spend our evenings talking about their experiences of what they tried and what could they try next time. They also talk about what they have noticed in how other children have been interacting with each other and we imagine together what might be going on. This approach has changed our whole conversational focus to my children focusing on themselves and their growth and not focused on comparing themselves to what others perceive as normal social interactions. We frame it as living 'our vibe' and we approach it positively.
It isn't easy and it is a long / slow process to reach a good place, consistency and repeating very small challenges daily has really worked; there will always be times where meltdowns and anxiety around social friendships come out; however both my kids are definitely resilient to the ever changing landscape of friendships in school. Returning to school after the school holidays is the one to watch out for as all the other children in the same school year develop more social complexity and noticeably so over the summer; both my kids find it tricky as their reference of interacting with other kids remains at their last contact 'reference' which is the last day of term at the start of the Summer. The first few weeks need higher level 'coaching' as they catch up with the change in other children.
I also found allowing my children to watch kid appropriate, but slightly higher age, sitcom type programmes (with real children and adults in) also helped, it seems to have helped with their social imagining of scenarios and how they might engage in something similar.
I totally get this. I know those stories are supposed to make us feel better but they're always a bit of a stab to the heart for me too. Make sure you are looking after yourself as well: "you can't pour from an empty cup" - it's trite but it's true.
Hello
Following on from the helpful replies you have had, you may like to contact our Parent to Parent service who offers emotional support to parents and carers of children or adults with autism. This service is confidential and run by trained parent volunteers who are all parents themselves of a child or adult with autism .
You contact the team on 0808 800 4106. Please leave a message and the team will call you back as soon as possible at a time that suits you, including evenings and weekends. Alternatively you can use contact the team via web form: https://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines/parent-to-parent/enquiry.aspx
I hope you find this useful
Best wishes
Lorraine Mod
I am constantly amazed at how sociable people and families are. Even on this website.
Playdates! I never had these.
As a young child I was totally isolated, socially.
My father's main concern was that no-one must know about my existence, because he was worried about his standing in the community. And the rest of my family and relatives just ignored me. And I was never invited anywhere.
Tbh I'm not good atm. I know I will b OK tomorrow. It happens some days something hits so hard that I come crushing down and when I see big smile on his face due to even small social interaction it makes my day. He was diagnosed at 4 just before starting school and his plan is in place and gets little support as they feel that he is managable n that there are other kids out there who needs more support. So he isn't getting one to one support.
This post is triggered by something that happened today. I have managed to make good relationships with some of the other mums. And I invite their kuds over to our place. Since they are busy working n all they are happy to send their child over n kids also kind of like my son but plays with him only on their terms and on off. Also when they are alone with them. Not by choice.
If I do 10 playdates in a month my son will be invited twice in a year. Their parents are happy to send their kids over but not invite my child. Yesterday he had a playdate and when father came to pick up their child he invited my son n looked at his son who very adamantly and annoyingly replied No nooo I don't want him to our house. I was right next to them when it happened. He is very happy to come n play but not invite. . I know my son's struggle while playing like to keep the track of play, gets distracted etc but his ASD is on milder side.
We see lots if movies n shows on autism where the lead character always finds a BEST FRIEND who lives, supports n understands his autism inside outside n lives to be his friend. I really wish this would really happen in real life. My son finds friend for life.
Everyone in his class has got someone.
I fear for the future
Hello
my daughter who is 6yrs old, was diagnosed yesterday as Autistic. I knew in my heart but needed the confirmation. Now I feel I can seek the help and support from professionals on how best I can help her. Put some strategies in place for her to feel more comfortable in this world.
some days can be very tough, if she’s having off days and I wonder how I’ll get through, but somehow you just do.
how are you?
