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Starting University

HCW1965

Hello, my 17 year old son has recently been diagnosed. He has offers for places at universities and although academically he is very capable, the rest of Uni life will be a great challenge.

At the moment he is saying there is no point attending open days for new students as he thinks he won't be able to go to uni at all. The university he is most likely to attend isn't too far from home and is fully catered so is a good choice. But he finds the whole prospect overwhelming and is just not thinking about it.

We have contacted the uni about his ASD and they will offer support when he goes.

How can we convince him that he is capable. Even though he is expected to get A*s in his A levels, he thinks he is a failure and his life is going no-where. He has suffered with depression and we don't want the stress to affect his mental health.

Has any one any experience of this situation,  we just want him to be able to fulfill his potential, how can we help him.

Thanks in advance.

Parents

  • I work in a uni (and am autistic). I personally found university to be an amazing experience. School was a bit of a nightmare for me and I can understand why your son would be worried though. For me that uni was fully catered was very important as I don’t think I’d have fully coped with the living side of things otherwise! Is there any other support the uni offers, eg an ASC society or social group. Even if he doesn’t want a lot to do with them they make a useful fallback. Will he also be able to pay up front each term? I could which made a massive difference as once at uni I pretty much only had to worry about getting myself to things/ doing the work and making sure me and my clothes were clean. Make that easy - to your son, you want wash and wear clothes that you can wear in any combination. 

    For me (and this is for your son really, not you, sorry!) the key was to find a group of likeminded geeks with the same interests as me and not to try to fit in with others by doing things I wasn’t comfortable with or interested in. At uni look hard enough and these people will be there. Special interest societies might be key here, and or academic societies (assuming that your son, like me, will be studying something he also has a special interest in.). Your son could make enquiries about hat sort of thing before he arrives if it would put his mind at rest.

    Warning though. It can take a while to find these people. In the meantime contact and support from home might be important. Again to your son mainly though... make sure support from home is based on your sons requirements! If he doesn’t want much contact it could be that actually he’s found his place quickly.

    All this said I also know people who struggled more than me. It’s really important to have a good relationship with disability support and also remember that if needed there are mechanisms in place to get take time out from a course and go back later etc. Or if he’s really worried how about a gap year first? 

    To your son, good luck, go for it, but do it on your terms.

  • in reply to Zomted

    Thank you so much for your reply, it's good to hear about a positive uni experience. I'll pass your suggestions on to him. Thanks again, really helpful.

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