Starting University

Thanks I'll have a look.

No worries! Cognitive reframing is a method that I’ve used on myself, especially when I was younger to reduce depression and anxiety. I personally found it really helpful and effective.

www.verywellmind.com/cognitive-reframing-for-stress-management-3144872

Thanks for your support. What to you mean by reframing / rationalising?

That’s a real shame that he declined the help from CAMHS! Maybe try reframing and rationalising his anxieties? Or call the NAS helpline to see what they can advise.

I think you've hit the nail on the head there. He has seen camhs and they offered help for low mood but he declined. 

The three obvious collegiate ones that come to mind are: Oxford, Cambridge and Durham. 

This seems like it’s the depression talking. Maybe get him to see the doctor and address the depression, and any associated anxiety issues, then he might have a brighter outlook on life.  

Hi, we have been to a few open days with him and also last year when our older son was looking for a place. The uni he is most likely to go to is a collegiate based one so they are well looked after.

I think it's just the whole idea that's overwhelming for him rather than the actual university. Any change for him is a massive challenge (even small things like new clothes) so university seems a daunting prospect. 

It's small steps we need to take to get him used to the idea, but he finds it hard to even think about it.

Open days are a great idea.  They give the potential student a chance to see the campus and atmosphere of the university.  And universities vary a lot.  If he's going to spend 3 years in the place then a one day,  open day visit is vital.

Some universities have a proper campus,  which gives them  a community or village spirit.  Others, look and feel just like isolated office blocks in a city.

Some are city centre based, others are built outside cities, close to the country. 

The main point that I'm trying to make is that every university is unique,  he needs to find one that he will feel comfortable attending. 

Thank you so much for your reply, it's good to hear about a positive uni experience. I'll pass your suggestions on to him. Thanks again, really helpful.

I work in a uni (and am autistic). I personally found university to be an amazing experience. School was a bit of a nightmare for me and I can understand why your son would be worried though. For me that uni was fully catered was very important as I don’t think I’d have fully coped with the living side of things otherwise! Is there any other support the uni offers, eg an ASC society or social group. Even if he doesn’t want a lot to do with them they make a useful fallback. Will he also be able to pay up front each term? I could which made a massive difference as once at uni I pretty much only had to worry about getting myself to things/ doing the work and making sure me and my clothes were clean. Make that easy - to your son, you want wash and wear clothes that you can wear in any combination. 

For me (and this is for your son really, not you, sorry!) the key was to find a group of likeminded geeks with the same interests as me and not to try to fit in with others by doing things I wasn’t comfortable with or interested in. At uni look hard enough and these people will be there. Special interest societies might be key here, and or academic societies (assuming that your son, like me, will be studying something he also has a special interest in.). Your son could make enquiries about hat sort of thing before he arrives if it would put his mind at rest.

Warning though. It can take a while to find these people. In the meantime contact and support from home might be important. Again to your son mainly though... make sure support from home is based on your sons requirements! If he doesn’t want much contact it could be that actually he’s found his place quickly.

All this said I also know people who struggled more than me. It’s really important to have a good relationship with disability support and also remember that if needed there are mechanisms in place to get take time out from a course and go back later etc. Or if he’s really worried how about a gap year first? 

To your son, good luck, go for it, but do it on your terms.

Thank you.

Perhaps he could write his questions down before attending? That way, if he finds himself struggling to speak, he could use the list as a prompt, or even give it to the guide.

I hope everything goes well for him.

Yes this might be an idea,  1 to 1 may be better although he would have to speak with them which would be ok if he's in the right mood. He just needs to believe in himself.

Would it be possible for him to visit the university on a 121 basis (i.e. with one student/member of staff showing him around, rather than attending an open day)? I'm wondering if the idea of an open day itself might be quite overwhelming, whereas it may be easier to take his time and ask questions if he's just with one person. They might be able to provide some reassurance about going to university too.

Does he have any hobbies or interests? You could look at the clubs/groups available at the university (online or in the brochure); it might be a good way for him to meet like-minded people with similar interests.

Thanks for your reply, yes I think you're probably right about that. We keep telling him that there will be loads of people like him, it's a top university, I'm sure he'll find like minded people, it's just convincing him that he can do it!

The social climate in most universities ( at least the proper ones), is very different from schools, and I believe that there are more autistics per person, in universities than there are in the general population.