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Newbie, needs some advice

Barnaby Crumble

Hi, my son (15yrs) has finally been put on the sen at school, we have had a letter saying he is on the autistic spectrum with probable diagnosis of aspergers, he is having a melt down at the moment as they have started exams and he goes completely introvert, loses his memory and spends a huge amount of time in another dimension , and his little ways are exasperated hugely, he is having weekly meetings with cahms but up til now he's had them fooled into thinking he's feeling fine as he just agrees with every thing they say and then comes home and can't remember going to the meetings, its the exams that are the big problem, he just can't cope, the school have been able to put him in a room on his Own to take the maths ones last week but he has been home yesterday and today as he is Just out of it and exhausted mentally, 

      I had a really upsetting phone call from school today, a teacher I don't know said I had to take him to a meeting tomorrow as he is in the d/c group, basically he's getting d's in his course work and they want to discuss with him how he can improve his grades, I asked her If she was up to speed with sons situation and she said yes he still needed to go to this meeting, I said no way, that I'd go and see how we could support him but it was to stressful for him at the moment, she had a right go at me and said she used to teach him and he was fine, and had seen him last week for a chat and there was nothing wrong, i laughed and said im sure he agreed with everything younsaid, its his way of getting out of stressfull situations and I said you do know he's on the autistic spectrum dont you and she said he doesn't have his official diagnosis yet its not relevant, I was in tears. She said she would pass on my opinion to the relevant teacher , some one I've been in good contact with for weeks, and have a good parent /teacher relationship with, so now they are going to think I'm being unhelpful

    She wanted to know how they were ment to help my son decide what options he had once hleft school if I wouldn't let him attend, when I'd already told her we had got him a place at college sorted.an that I'd already seen all his teachers at parents evening last week. Am I right to refuse him goin to the meeting, I don't even want him to take the exams, I'd like her to see him now rewinding his favourite bit of a programme over and over again athe look at the time every couple of minutes and tell me he's ok.I'm so new to this I don't know what to do for the best for my son

  • Thank you Crystal, it doesn't help hat I have M.S and all this stress doesn't help me and when I'm worse my son then worries about me.a really bad cycle. We have a home visit from the aspergers team n 26th to assess him and a paediatric meeting next month, I take it this is all to do with his diagnosis, feel so much better today, I think ill be aski g lots of questions here, 

    r x

  • hi - great news, so pleased to hear the presure's off.  Lovely to read about the hug and know your son's winding down.  Now you've got time + a number of allies to sort things out with certain personalities at his school.  bw, good luck

  • Thank you for your brilliant replies, you really helped. I had a cahms meeting today , they were appalled and are raising theiconcerned with the school, I then had a meeting with the year head, she was lovely and has had a word with the teacher involved , but has told me off the record that this teacher is a problem as is the head, and although she and the other teachers that my son has ,agree that he shouldn't be doing exams, I will have real problems when it comes to these two people, the heads up was appreciated, so our plan of action is they are taking him out of the RE exam, and out of that lesson to free it up for some down time in a room that they have all set up for kids that need their quiet time during the day, and the maths and English exams in January are scrapped, he may still have to take them in June but that gitimely son some relief and no pressure and her time to try and get him out of exams.

          I told my son about the new plans, and he hugged me!!. He hasn't instigated any physical contact for over 6 months.. I nearly cried.he giggled for an hr and his ticks were going off like a rocket, and has spent the rest of the evening shattered laying on the sofa, fingers crossed his sleeping patterns settle now and he can feel more settled. If I needed any is sign that I  did the right thing, one 5 second hug was what did it. It was the best 5 seconds I could ever imagine thanks again for your replies

    Rxx

  • Hi

    My daughter is currently under assessment shes 14, i have other children who are diagnosed on the spectrum.

    Im also going through the god awfull experience of trying to get ignorant teachers and staff at school to aknowledge my daughters difficulties, why on earth do these people refuse to see what is put right in front of their nose? Im sick of the if you cant see it it isnt there mentality of these people. Why on earth does a child who is having difficultes need a diagnosis before their difficulty becomes relevant? Why does a child have to be absolutley at breaking point before they feel it might be a good time to offer some support? I really feel for you and your son it must be mentally exhausting for both of you. My daughter is strougleing, i dont know about you but i go into school to attempt to get the school to accommodate some of the difficulties, simple things really most of the time although you would think id asked them to move heaven and earth, they then have a "chat" with my daughter while i am not there who then agrees with everything they say....to remove herself from the stress of the situation, she has learned that she gets out of there much quicker is she does what they want. Cant really blame her. This really P***** me off, and proves really that the schools most of the time havnt got a bloody clue... Or Have they got a kind of selective understanding and use the bits they want to their advantage and manipulate these kids?( am i allowed to say thatFoot in Mouth). I have asked the school in a formal letter not to do this anymore explaining why.

    In my opinion most Schools  are absolute rubbish at dealing with Autism, you are his mum, you know your son, if you dont think he should go because it will be too much, dont take him.

    Get on to CAHMS tell them about the difficulties he is having, and tell them that before it hits crisis point you require some support and aknowledgement of the difficulties he is having at school. Phone them and write it in a letter.

    Perhaps you could write a letter to the  SEN co-ordinator at the school expressing your concerns at the lack of knowledge the staff seem to have and how you are very concerned that the Autism knowledge they have is not fit for purpose. ( i did )

    As a mum who is absolutley sick up to the back teeth of everything within education being such an absolute nightmare i can safely say that much much more needs to be done to support these kids and reduce the mostly needless stress they are put through, never mind educating the kids educate the flippin teachers and all the useless tools who sit making the decisions about whats going to happen, they need it.

    Good luck x

  • hi - the right environment with the right staff is essential isn't it?  Whether it's a school, college, work or care settting, whatever, that always applies.  There will be info on this site + also on a site called ipsea which may be helpful to you.  Hopefully he'll get the right support at college.  Sounds like you're both really going thru it thanks to ignorant attitudes.  You know your son + how his asd affects him much better than they do.  Perhaps you could get a doctor's letter or something.  Sorry, I haven't been in this position myself but the school does seem to be unreasonable.  Maybe others with more experience will be more helpful.  Go with your instincts??