Published on 12, July, 2020
DD 17 was diagnosed with autism in July this year. We have just started going to a post diagnosed parents group for autistic children,so am still learning...
DD is struggling with burnout, execute function and making friends. It is breaking my heart to see her struggling and I feel helpless. Any tips, ideas etc that I could try?
Distraction can be a nice way to suspend the internal over-processing going on in her head - does she have a passion that you can indulge?
She probably won't be bothered with friends right now - they come with their own baggage & hassles that she can do without.
If she would like a day out doing something nice, it will probably be with you as she can trust you to look after her and she knows how you react to things so you're the default lowest-stress person.
For example- a boy into trains would be at his lowest stress in a train museum - so much to see and learn with none of the real-life problems involved. Lots of safe data-gathering and things to measure and experience.
What would be your daughter's dream day?
Parenting can be hard work (I'm a parent too) and it can sometimes be harder still when you see suffering that you can't do anything to fix it. I would say try not to worry too much on her behalf - she will find her own way, and the more you can take the demands of the world away from her the more space she will have to fight the burnout and sort herself out.
How does she say she feels about not having friends, feeling burnt out etc?
Thanks DD is studying online for her A levels as she found Sixth-form too much to cope with. She opted to study online but spends nearly every day asleep
If your daughter is experiencing burnout in any way similar to my experience, then total rest is the only cure - which means that this is not the time to worry about making friends. Executive function may improve slightly as she recovers from burnout. On the other hand if she is heading for burnout, then again total rest is the best preventative approach. I realise that this might be difficult in practice if she's studying for example.
The best source of advice though, I would say, is your daughter; be led by what she wants and needs, assuming she knows and can tell you. With a diagnosis in hand, ideally you would be able to get school / sixth form / college to give her the space and adjustments she needs?
Sorry I'm probably making lots of assumptions -
There are things you can use to help compensate for some executive functioning issues - e.g. I use reminder apps on my phone for propping up my memory & this seems to take the load off my brain and allow it to be less stressed and this improves EF elsewhere.