Published on 12, July, 2020
Daughter 17, was diagnosed with autism in July this year, she had been masking.
She has been struggling with making friends and has a lot of anxiety concerning this.
Attending 6th form College has become too much for her due to the travel and loneliness, therefore now studying online. Of course this has resulted in her becoming more isolated which we tried to talk to her about before she made the change but she wouldn't listen.
She hasn't done any studying for two weeks and has been spending a lot of time asleep. I understand that she might be tired if she has been coping with her day, but today for example she has not been out of the house and only just got out of bed (6pm). I've suggested that she might be depressed but she says no and won't let me make an appointment with the Dr's. Even if I did make one without her approval she would refuse to go. - she reckons that she will go to Uni next year and will make loads of friends and be away from her horrible parents... I've tried to suggest that she may not make friends for a variety of reasons but she won't listen and I'm being negative.. but as I've said she isn't doing any work...
I've tried to suggest different social groups both for autistic people but she won't go
I don't know what to say or do.... help...
Two things which may or may not be helpful:
(1) Is it possible she is studying late at night or in the early hours of the morning, then sleeping all day? A lot of autistic people have difficulties sleeping, and I was most definitely a night owl. At uni, when I no longer had the structure of school or my parents' support, I would study from around 1am to 6am then sleep for a large part of the day. It's quiet, dark and cool at night so there are far fewer sensory distractions, and even less people interruptions.
(2) Is it possible she's shutdown or burned out? Being a teenage girl is hard enough, but if she has been masking her autism for years on top of all the normal hormonal changes, exam stresses etc. then she may well be exhausted. Given she was only diagnosed in July, she also probably has quite a bit of processing to do i.e. thinking back through her life about misunderstandings etc. and now making sense of it all. Just that in itself is draining emotionally and mentally and takes time and space.
When she does get up, is she eating and drinking etc.? If not, then I can understand that would be a huge concern to a parent but, again, it's not that unusual for someone who is autistic to forget to do those things and other basic self-care. In terms of going to university, maybe she could do a foundation degree with the OU to help develop healthy study/self-care habits, and then do a top-up degree at another uni? To be honest though, it won't really matter what you suggest because, as Plastic says, she "knows best" (and "teenager" + "girl" + "autism" is that x100).
Absolutely - plus also look at local universities - she will probably qualify for a free taxi to take her back & forth so she can live at home - and that allows her to take advantage of free laundry & meals
Have you applied for the PIP for her? It's free money that can really help with uni costs.
We have mentioned PIP payments to her as she has to be near the phone we when we apply, but nope!!! Grrrrr...
No to the DSA paperwork and I havent mentioned it