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Struggling mum of undiagnosed Aspergers daughter

Mum on a mission :)
over 4 years ago

I am here today as I am struggling a lot myself.  I feel I have no one to talk to.  It’s not easy to say what I need to say to people who are not in my situation.  I’m scared for the future of my daughter and I love her very much but I really dislike her behaviour and the effect she is having on our family, she is breaking us. I also feel she's purposefully  pushing all the buttons to hurt me and I don’t like how I am feeling towards her at the moment, I feel like a terrible mum but all I do is try and care and fight her corner. She just treats me like dirt.  I hate the way she makes me feel, I didn’t set about to have a family to feel like this about my own child. 

Yesterday she was so bad I stayed in my bedroom all afternoon, I’ve been to the doctor as I am struggling with sleep myself now, last week I didn’t want to get in my car because I was scared I would crash it into a wall.  I really don’t like the feelings I have about her, it’s  either going well (when she’s out of her comfort zone) or just a horrendous negative situation fuelled by her nastiness to everyone around her 

I know I need to be managing this and taking control and being the strong grown up but I cannot cope with it at the minute and i need some support but don’t know where to get it ?  I really need some help. 

Parents
  • over 4 years ago

    She's probably feeling lost in her own world and struggling with social situations at school - this usually manifests as a total lack of control of that world-  it's all getting away from her.     She's probably very stressed by it all and is desperately trying to assert control over whatever she can.

    The outside world is scary and unpredictable and she cannot guess the reactions of strangers so the only thing she can predict and control are the people closest to her - you.

    She's flexing her social control muscles in a really unhealthy way - is there anyone she respects and wouldn't be so horrible to like grandparents of any other family members - people who can chat to her without her flying off the handle to explain to her that her behaviour is understandable - but unacceptable - and that you all understand her problems - and that talking over the stress with you and coming up with solutions would be more helpful for her than attacking you.

    She needs to understand that you're on her side and want to help - but she's making it impossible.   A big reality check seems to be needed.

    Is there anything you both enjoy doing together that would provide a distraction from her problems?

Reply
  • over 4 years ago

    She's probably feeling lost in her own world and struggling with social situations at school - this usually manifests as a total lack of control of that world-  it's all getting away from her.     She's probably very stressed by it all and is desperately trying to assert control over whatever she can.

    The outside world is scary and unpredictable and she cannot guess the reactions of strangers so the only thing she can predict and control are the people closest to her - you.

    She's flexing her social control muscles in a really unhealthy way - is there anyone she respects and wouldn't be so horrible to like grandparents of any other family members - people who can chat to her without her flying off the handle to explain to her that her behaviour is understandable - but unacceptable - and that you all understand her problems - and that talking over the stress with you and coming up with solutions would be more helpful for her than attacking you.

    She needs to understand that you're on her side and want to help - but she's making it impossible.   A big reality check seems to be needed.

    Is there anything you both enjoy doing together that would provide a distraction from her problems?

Children
  • over 4 years ago in reply to Plastic

    Thanks for your reply, what can I do as a reality check ? She’s 12.  But she feels like a giant. I’m scared where it’s all going and I am worried about her mental health and my own well being too.  We have grandparents but they are not visitors or helpers and have no idea of how our home life is.  May see them Easter / Christmas may see them for a birthday most likely won’t see them.  If I explained they wouldn’t help or understand x