I really need advice as I am totally confused, heartbroken and going through turmoil about how unfair life is to my little boy. So he is in year 1 now, last year at school was with lots of up and down.
Now he has managed to make couple of friends but one friend he calls his best friend (I know that boy doesn't consider himself his BF). He was friendly and nice to my son throughout reception but and been to our house for playdates. But his mother isn't fond of this friendship. She always tries to ignore me and my son. Would talk very nicely and will go over the top with other mums and their kids s but always looks down on my son. She doesn't mind sending him over our place for playdate but that's it. I find really hard to communicate with her and feel insulted the way she talks. She would look away or completely ignore me.
If it was not about my son I would have never let anyone compromise with my self respect. But knowing how hard it is for my child to make another friend and he (being so sensitive) won't be able to forget his friend.
I don't know what to do. My son is asking as school has started to arrange for a playdate but I m dying inside knowing she would read my message and not reply.
What shall I do?
Hello and I hope you are well. I completely understand where you are coming from. I find often we have children over and that we are not reciprocated. But then I don’t know what they have going on in their lives, so I ignore it and think so long as my daughter is happy we will host again!
I completely understand the school mum issue ! The other school mums aren’t friends, although with only being at year 1 now they could become that maybe in the future? . It’s positive to keep on happy terms with the other mums for the sake of your son but as you don’t feel comfortable with this mum in particular could you instead invite another classmate to play as well so your son can branch out and maybe make a new friendship. Children like the familiarity of the same friend etc and it’s good to break the pattern (especially as his mum’s a bit of a nightmare ;) )
Could you ask the teacher who your son plays with and invite those children. Maybe organise a little Halloween party or a trip for half term? My daughter has become slightly closer with friends from out of school clubs more so than in school. I’ve always encouraged my children not to have one best friend “on a pedestal” as if the friendship breaks down it’s a complete travesty.
I’m sure you’ll get a network in place for your son, don’t worry about the situation now. Hatch a plan to branch out so he goes to activities with other children. You are doing a wonderful job looking out for your son and his needs. () big hug x
Thank you for your time and advice.
Yeah thats what keeps me going. Every time my child asks me to get the same person. I have tried to invite different kids but he doesn't enjoy with them. He won't say anything but won't be happy, would just do it for the sake of finishing it. Then I feel bad n feel I'm forcing him to be friends with someone.
Hes just started football clubs n swimming but again thing is everyone seems nice, smile n all but won't go beyond. I know why. One mum was nice in swimming for couple of weeks then she saw my son was finishing last in all strokes n was behind, taking time she all of sudden stopped chatting.
I honestly feel that parents of kids without special needs NEVER EVER will know how hard is all this n they don't even want to hear or are interested. First I thought I will explain my sons condition slowly but realised no ones even interested or has patience.
It's always the case that until something happens to someone then they become a preacher until that time behave selfish and unkind behaviour.
Thank you for listening. There is nobody I can talk to.
Hello again, hope you’re well. I was chatting to my daughter today about who she spent break with / lunch with etc, I try not to ask her too many questions but this is a favourite one of mine! I’m such a bore ! Today she said at break she went to the computer suites to listen to music as that makes her happy. She said she doesn’t really want to be with others all the time and enjoys being peaceful on her own. So In a way that was a help to know she was okay with her “loneliness”.
I’m thinking about your son - does the school SENCO have a room where he could spend time and meet other children? A lady I know created a school parents group for the parents of Children identified as SEN. They did some fundraising etc and bonded mums and children.
Earlier in the week I went on the local council website and found a number for the SEN department. I spoke with them and from that conversation I booked onto 2 parent courses to advise on issues related to autism. Also they have told me about a monthly coffee meet to chat to other parents. At the minute I am part time so have been very lucky to be able to arrange to go to this. I want to hear other people’s journeys, they really help me. I think this is my way of trying to get it all in order, I’m looking forward to the courses, I see them as positive action and I feel a lot better than at the beginning of the week when I felt pretty lost.
I also wouldn’t want to be friends with the other parents you have mentioned. They do not get it and theymwont ever unless they are open and welcoming. They really missing out actually in meeting you and your son. Before I thought that / realised my daughter has Aspergers she had a friend with learning difficulties and I encouraged my daughter to include her and spend time with her as much as possible.nwe looked outa for her. Some people are not on the same page and they never will be. Hope you can divert your strength and energy to something positive for your wonderful son x
Oh my God u won't believe but this is mine fav one as well. I ask him every single day who did he played with n had lunch? he doent seem bothered n sometimes the names he takes upsets ne Coz I exactly know how those kids are around him I have seem them making fun of him in parties etc. My heart sinks but sometimes he says i went in class n had a chat with teacher. Before I found bit sad that when everyone is playing outside n having fun why would he sit alone in class. But slowly I understood that he wants time off.
Yeah ur right. I think it's time to break off this insensitive relationship n find some good human beings who have kindness in their heart.
Thank you for your time
You can attempt to assist your son in gaining better social skills so he can get along better at school such as practicing having casual conversations that touch upon various subjects.
Here's a post I think you'll find very interesting: [link removed by moderator]
I’ve just read your post NAS63560, not sure if you realise but it links through to a “service” for 29 Dollars a month to “cure “ autism? I’m not sure this is in line with the views on this forum? Maybe just double check the link you have forwarded ......
Thank you for pointing this out, Mum on a mission. I have removed the link in question as misinformation about 'cures' for autism are misleading and potentially dangerous.
Ross - mod
[post deleted by moderator]
I cant help but think about this everyday that my child has missed soooo sooo much in this 5 years of age. Kids of her age are so carefree, playing, eating, expressing their feelings and my little one is living with so much pain. He can't understand why n when someone ignores. Kids whisper about him in others ears n he doesn't even have a clue about all this.
One answer I will never ever get is Why??