Secondary school

Hi, My son is going into year 9 next week and was diagnosed with Aspergers earlier this year.  He struggles with any changes and senior school is a massive change.  Does your daughter's school know about her anxiety and pending assessment?  I would contact the school immediately and let them know your concerns.  Once my son's school realised he had problems they were very good at putting things in place to help him - I only wish I had done something to help him sooner.  Talk to the school as soon as you can they will help - good luck

Everything Bagpuss has said I would agree with completely, also encourage her to go to as many clubs as possible to meet a range of new people and to feel Busy and involved. Encourage little trips with friends / groups at the weekend if possible.  My daughter got along okay but then struggled greatly when her 2 friends began to leave her out .  I spoke with SEN at the end of the year so they were aware for year 8 I am going to email them outlining the support she needs.  Melatonin / Circadin prescribed from the paediatrician (not GP) have helped with sleep anxiety on a school night as have meditation stores and essential oils. Having everything ready the night before has helped and become a necessary routine so she can start to relax.  I hope your daughter does really well, friends are the main concern for my daughter and if she’s happy everything else goes well (mostly).  All The best to you and your family.  X

Hi :) 

I am 18 now and not a professional so can only speak from experience. I personally found secondary school extremely stressful. However I had not been diagnosed as autistic (I was diagnosed this year), meaning many of my problems were misdiagnosed as mental health issues. But this doesn’t need to be the case for your daughter! I would advise that you use the fact of being in the process of an autism diagnosis to it’s upmost. Talk to the school before she starts. There may be a head of year 7 that you can talk to about your daughter’s issues. Don’t be shy about advocating and speaking as though your daughter has already been diagnosed. Remember that you, as her mother, know her best than any teacher and that those teachers should be there to support you and your daughter in this transition. 

I don’t know what exact struggles your daughter has, but from my experience what really helped me, or would have helped me, are:

- make sure she has a quiet area to go to at break and lunchtimes.

- get in contact with whatever medical team they have there. I got a great rapport with the school nurse, which was so helpful to me and it was a great reassurance to know I could go to her when things were difficult. Having that “point of contact” with someone your daughter trusts will hopefully be reassuring to her.

- maybe see if your daughter can walk around the school before term starts so that she can start getting an idea of where everything is.

- see if she would be able to move between lessons 5 minutes before or after everyone else, so she doesn’t have to navigate crowded corridors.

- emphasises to teachers that she needs very clear instructions on homework etc

- talk to your daughter about the new things she will encounter at secondary school (how the timetable works, that she will be around older children who may behave badly, and that friendships often change with puberty) and ask about what she’s worried about so you can talk things through together to prepare her so she knows what to expect. 

My final word of advice would be that (though I don’t wish to worry you)  unfortunately teenage girls can be very snarky, which can be very distressing to autistic girls. I just could not understand when my group of friends began talking about boys and being nasty behind each other’s backs, which caused me to just completely withdraw from all friends for the last 3 years of school. So this might be something you need to help her with. 

But there’s loads of online advice about teenage girls with autism that may be more useful than me :) I wish your daughter the best of luck

I didn't know I was autistic as a school pupil but used to have the odd rest day where I'd stay off as I needed the peace and quiet to be able to keep going for the rest of the half term.

As an adult working in HE, I use essential oils to reduce the effects of sensory overload. A few drops on her jumper or cardigan may help. I like the blends from here, especially the calming and invigorating ones - http://www.idaromatics.co.uk/product2.asp?cat1=6&name=Essential%20%20Oil%20Blends