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Not wanting to go to school

JumpyNewall

My son is 6 years old and in Year 2 at a mainstream primary school with full time 1:1 support. He has always done fairly well academically and socially with his 1:1. Although he is marginally behind the others in his class in some areas, on the whole he is accessing the curriculum adequetly. Since starting Year 2, he has had his ups and downs, but this last week, he has decided he doesn't want to go to school at all. I think its related to the increased workload and less playtime in Year 2, as all he says repeatedly is that he wants to stay at home and play, and he doesn;t want to go to school and do his work. This week he has been inconsolable enroute to school, screaming, crying and physically heaving. I've spent at least 2 hours in the car outside school before being able to coax him inside with his 1:1. He will only play and doesn't want to go in the classroom, as he thinks that means he will have to do work. School are v supportive and will do whatever it takes to heklp him. but just wondered if anyone else had had a similar situation and could give any advice on strategies to calm him down and make him see school is not so bad. Its heatbreaking to see him so distressed. Thanks

  • Thanks everyone for your comments. All very useful and thought provoking. Lots of things to work on too. Luckily its the holidays this week, so I have a week off from the trauma. Will see how he is next week and then take it from there. Thanks again. 

  • When I was at school I hated the work aspect unless I was interested in the subject. Your son might find work boring because it does not interest him. Does he have any special interests that could be utilized? I did focus whenever I was very interested in something, such as the human-body, badgers, the potato project etc. If I was bored, the teachers would say that  my 'head is in the clouds' or my parents were called in on a frequent basis because I would not sit still and still acted as though it was playtime. I did this because I was not interested in the task at hand.

  • Hi Jumpy

    I haven't been in the same situation as you, but I have a 12 yr old who won't go to school at all at the moment.

    How experienced are the school with autism? Can they get an autism outreach specialist to come in and help with some strategies?

    I wouldn't assume that it is the work in itself that is the problem. It could be anything, and your son is probably feeling quite confused and won't be understanding exactly what's up.

    I'm wondering whether you can try to find out which things he likes at school and which things make him uncomfortable. Maybe have a set of cards of things that happen at school and get him to rate them - probably best to keep it simple at his age, have a piece of paper with 'Like' written on it and smiley/happy picture and one for 'Don't Like' and then go through the cards with him and put them on the appropriate piece of paper, maybe have something inbetween like and don't like so that there is somewhere to put things that are in between. And so on the cards have things like 'playing with other children in playground', 'playing by self in playground', 'playing by self in classroom/library at playtime', 'eating lunch', 'doing work in classroom', 'doing work with the TA by myself in a quiet room', 'doing homework at home' ...... etc. whatever you can think of. Perhaps he will say that he likes to work alone with the TA in a quiet place rather than in the hustle and bustle of the classroom - just might give pointers as to what could be changed to help him. Maybe with things that he doesn't like, you could try to come up with things that could help make it better and write these down on the other side of the card. The other option is to rate each thing on a scale of 1 - 10, but I think you probably want to keep it as simple as possible for a 6yr old. Try to make sure there are cards in there that he will like so that it seems there are some positive things.

    Have you used social stories with your son? Could this help? Maybe best to talk to an autism outreach specialist about this.

    Sharon

  • hi JumpyNewall - this must be so distressing for both of you.  You cd be right that your son is finding his schoolwork more difficult now he's in Yr 2.  My son never went to mainstream, but in his early teens his school tried him in a different class for several months because they thought he cd achieve more.  He had difficulty in that class so they moved him back into his previous class.  He never objected to going to school but used to complain about the harder schoolwork.  It may all be too pressurising for him if he's trying to keep up with the others.   There may be other stressors as well.   Does he settle once he's in class? You've sd that the school want to be helpful so perhaps everyone can work up a plan so he doesn't feel so stressed.  It can be shown and explained to him at home or a neutral place.  Is there an activity which wd entice him to go to school, something he really enjoys that cd be incorporated into his day?  Strategies to calm him down and accept school as things stand may prove difficult because perhaps he does feel it's that bad.  His behaviour suggests that.   I'd check this site out for other posts on the subject + the site in general, which is packed with useful info.  I'm sure other parents who've 1st hand knowledge of your situation will have suggestions.   bw

  • Are you sure it's just the 'work' aspect? Perhaps he is being bullied? Or there are sensory overload issues?

    Just because he says that he wants to stay at home and play it doesn't mean that the opposite of that is necessarily what is causing the problem.

    Home is safe. Play is fun.

    If he's being bullied or suffering sensory overload issues, then of course he wants to stay at home, and play!

    Don't assume it's the workload.