Autistic 9 year old hurt me in meltdown

People tell me all the time 'he looks normal to me' 

Fantastic! At school he is highly intelligent and mostly well behaved and comes home tired goes to his room and we only have the odd outburst or meltdown.

First 2 weeks of the summer holidays were long and hard while he adjusted to lack of routine with and time with his younger brother (Autistic and cerebral palsy) and sister. First violent outburst ever(1 week into holiday) hit sister continuously even when she was screaming and took 45 mins to calm down. Second outburst I got hit once whilst protecting children and my mother who has had a stroke and very disabled lasted 6hours but was mostly verbal and self hurt. Today 3rd outburst and by far the most violent. It lasted 2 hours at least he hit both children very hard, hit doors, shot nerf bullets at us. I took him upstairs to calm him where he hit me over head and back repeatedly and tried to kick and push me down stairs and bit me. He then trashed the lounge and ran to kitchen and threw water and clothes everywhere, room trashed. He then hit me over arm and legs with hard end of lightsaber toy. I have bruises.

How do I deal with it....he's very sorry after but that doesn't excuse it and now my youngest is starting to hit and my daughter is being very rude to me. Non supportive husband too.

What do I do what help is available?

Parents
  • I’m not going to be liked for my very controversial point of view when it comes to violence in ASD children. The question I would like you to ask yourself is what’s going to happen if he learns to “let it out that way”? And he becomes an adult (and he will grow up don’t forget!). He’s going to end up hurting someone seriously and break more expensive things. You must teach him in what ever way you see appropriate that hitting And trashing things is not acceptable in any circumstances. I know some people say they can’t control meltdown and I believe that but I don’t believe that you can’t control what you do during meltdown. If it’s been ingrained into your soul that you DO NOT HIT ever you won’t go doing that even when you are having meltdown. I know they are “just kids” now but also they are learning coping strategies now don’t let violence be a coping strategy it will end up badly in one way or another. 

Reply
  • I’m not going to be liked for my very controversial point of view when it comes to violence in ASD children. The question I would like you to ask yourself is what’s going to happen if he learns to “let it out that way”? And he becomes an adult (and he will grow up don’t forget!). He’s going to end up hurting someone seriously and break more expensive things. You must teach him in what ever way you see appropriate that hitting And trashing things is not acceptable in any circumstances. I know some people say they can’t control meltdown and I believe that but I don’t believe that you can’t control what you do during meltdown. If it’s been ingrained into your soul that you DO NOT HIT ever you won’t go doing that even when you are having meltdown. I know they are “just kids” now but also they are learning coping strategies now don’t let violence be a coping strategy it will end up badly in one way or another. 

Children
  • I am a teacher and I totally agree with your view point but when he is in full meltdown his rationality is different. I have tried many strategies and most have worked until now. I just need to gain a new bank of strategies to deal with these outbursts better. I don't want him to hurt himself my other children or me and he is so apologetic after as this behaviour is not natural for him and he is devastated he hurt me as he loves me. My plea was just for better strategies...I will also discuss the importance of non violent ways to let out his frustrations but as I said when in this mode he is nothing like the boy he usually is. X