People tell me all the time 'he looks normal to me'
Fantastic! At school he is highly intelligent and mostly well behaved and comes home tired goes to his room and we only have the odd outburst or meltdown.
First 2 weeks of the summer holidays were long and hard while he adjusted to lack of routine with and time with his younger brother (Autistic and cerebral palsy) and sister. First violent outburst ever(1 week into holiday) hit sister continuously even when she was screaming and took 45 mins to calm down. Second outburst I got hit once whilst protecting children and my mother who has had a stroke and very disabled lasted 6hours but was mostly verbal and self hurt. Today 3rd outburst and by far the most violent. It lasted 2 hours at least he hit both children very hard, hit doors, shot nerf bullets at us. I took him upstairs to calm him where he hit me over head and back repeatedly and tried to kick and push me down stairs and bit me. He then trashed the lounge and ran to kitchen and threw water and clothes everywhere, room trashed. He then hit me over arm and legs with hard end of lightsaber toy. I have bruises.
How do I deal with it....he's very sorry after but that doesn't excuse it and now my youngest is starting to hit and my daughter is being very rude to me. Non supportive husband too.
What do I do what help is available?
I have had this. I think I'm autistic too so helped him how I thought I would needed help not sure if it's right. Everyones different.
Theres no point explaining whilst hes in meltdown as nothing goes in. Just before meltdown for me I hear words jumbled and I cant make sense of anything. I wnt to get away
Hes still learning. I like pressure hugs so I tried bear hug and drop to the floor worked really well for a while as he likes pressure too. I'd hold him tight and slowly and softly repeats it's okay I'm here.
Try and guide him to a safe place. My boy had a giant bean bag. Remove everyone from the room and turn off all noise..dim lights if you can.
Try and spot when hes getting super anxious. What's triggering them.
Talk to him when hes calm. Explain you know hes not feeling great during meltdown but he cant hurt anyone if hes starting to feel it's too much to whatever he needs to calm down or come and tell u. If he cant tell you at the time point to a card or have a hand signal.
My boy was like this from age 3 years. I adapted different methods as he got older.
I even laid next to him on shop floors telling him its okay
Thank you. I'm new to this site. I will try that. My daughter does her best to send him into meltdown she's a controller and tries to control him which helps to send him off. When I explain to her she just laughs and shrugs her shoulders....her attitude is very hard work...she is 7. Feel at a loss at the moment and currently going through same process with youngest...they think he is autistic too. It will be hard to do your method with other two thinking it's funny and laughing at him but I will definitely give it a go. Thank you x
I’m not going to be liked for my very controversial point of view when it comes to violence in ASD children. The question I would like you to ask yourself is what’s going to happen if he learns to “let it out that way”? And he becomes an adult (and he will grow up don’t forget!). He’s going to end up hurting someone seriously and break more expensive things. You must teach him in what ever way you see appropriate that hitting And trashing things is not acceptable in any circumstances. I know some people say they can’t control meltdown and I believe that but I don’t believe that you can’t control what you do during meltdown. If it’s been ingrained into your soul that you DO NOT HIT ever you won’t go doing that even when you are having meltdown. I know they are “just kids” now but also they are learning coping strategies now don’t let violence be a coping strategy it will end up badly in one way or another.
I am a teacher and I totally agree with your view point but when he is in full meltdown his rationality is different. I have tried many strategies and most have worked until now. I just need to gain a new bank of strategies to deal with these outbursts better. I don't want him to hurt himself my other children or me and he is so apologetic after as this behaviour is not natural for him and he is devastated he hurt me as he loves me. My plea was just for better strategies...I will also discuss the importance of non violent ways to let out his frustrations but as I said when in this mode he is nothing like the boy he usually is. X
If your daughter is indeed the catalyst, perhaps it would be best to remove her from his immediate environment when she's winding him up, and also punish her soundly to discourage that behaviour. You definitely want to get to the bottom of this before your boy hits his teenage years and the testosterone surge hits. It sound like you have your hands full as it is.
I found this recently on another website, if you can get him to start recognising when he's rising up through the numbers maybe you will be able to implement strategies to prevent the meltdown. We use the trampoline and he just tell him to go and have some space away from siblings!He takes himself off bounces for a bit and comes back when he's calmer. Doesn't matter what the weather or what his clothing if he needs that space let him. You could use the superhero names as a way of him communicating to you how he's feeling without risk of further provocation from his siblings? We have never been able to identify a trigger for our son but he is getting better at recognising (sometimes- not every time though!!!) When he needs space.
The bear hug worked this time although he wasn't as badly gone this time...but it worked thank you
We have had a very long chat and he agrees with the fact violence is not right. He says he can't help it as he gets to boiling point but he was less aggressive in a subsequent meltdown so will keep up the reminders
Thank you I will print and put them about the house and one for his pocket xx