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Other People!!

MrsP

Hope this is in the right place (newbie alert lol)

can I ask what are people's approaches to other people staring and commenting?

i am so sick of 'justifying' my ds's (6) behaviour to other people but likewise can't get my head around the idea of 'the card' (my ds is autistic blah blah) - if ds was battering people's children etc I could understand parents wanting to comment etc but only person ds hurts in a meltdown is himself (or me if he catches me by accident!) DH says to ignore it but its so hurtful seeing tuts or people just outright staring!

rightly or wrongly this is one of the aspects of ds being on the spectrum I find hardest! He couldn't give a fluff if someone commejust but I feel like saying 'I'm not a bad parent HONEST!' 

any tips?

Parents

  • Micro said:

    That's so sad, poor Jake. Completely unacceptable. what she did is tantamount to assault for someone with Autism.  There he was having a lovely time and someone does the verbal equivalent of punching him in the face. Two ideas occurred to me for your situation. Firstly if there are shops you use regularly to make sure the manager understands and informs the staff. Outline the situation you faced, how serious it was for Jake, and explain that you would expect staff to intervene to remove the person assaulting your son and give them a talking to, while you manage his distress.  I do think this is a reasonable expectation.  You and Jake have the right to go to the shops.  Jake has the right to express his feelings in his own way, these are basic human rights. Also, and I appreciate is not always possible, but just to get back into the habit of it and regain your confidence, try going a few times with another adult who is on hand to intervene with vile old ladies.

    Thank you for your reply Micro and I think I will follow your advice and speak to the shop manager as it is a shop that I use regularly. It was a really awful experience for both of us and I have lost an awful lot of my confidence but I will have to try and start going there again. Like you say, even if it's with my partner or another adult at first, just until I start to get some of my confidence back x

Reply

  • Micro said:

    That's so sad, poor Jake. Completely unacceptable. what she did is tantamount to assault for someone with Autism.  There he was having a lovely time and someone does the verbal equivalent of punching him in the face. Two ideas occurred to me for your situation. Firstly if there are shops you use regularly to make sure the manager understands and informs the staff. Outline the situation you faced, how serious it was for Jake, and explain that you would expect staff to intervene to remove the person assaulting your son and give them a talking to, while you manage his distress.  I do think this is a reasonable expectation.  You and Jake have the right to go to the shops.  Jake has the right to express his feelings in his own way, these are basic human rights. Also, and I appreciate is not always possible, but just to get back into the habit of it and regain your confidence, try going a few times with another adult who is on hand to intervene with vile old ladies.

    Thank you for your reply Micro and I think I will follow your advice and speak to the shop manager as it is a shop that I use regularly. It was a really awful experience for both of us and I have lost an awful lot of my confidence but I will have to try and start going there again. Like you say, even if it's with my partner or another adult at first, just until I start to get some of my confidence back x

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