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Very shocked and hurt by my friends reaction to my ASD son

NAS63258
My friend and I have a very close and supportive relationship.  She knows how I struggle taking my 2 ASD boys out in public and how I feel judged and upset by the reaction of others.  I honestly thought she understood and would never make me feel judged.
However, we went out with our kids for a few hours and my youngest was being very over excited, loud and cheeky.  I could see she look horrified whilst I dealt with him and then I told her I had nipped it in the bud.  She shot back that he was still being naughty and fired questions at me wanting to know why he had been good on a recent day out but not on the day in question.
I was too shocked to really say much and didn't express my disapproval of describing his disability as being naughty.  I made it clear that she had only seen the tip of a very large iceberg.  It upsets me that she voiced what I imagined strangers were thinking when he was having his worst meltdowns - he wasn't even having a meltdown so how on earth would she react to that.
Am I being over sensitive, or would you feel the same?
Parents

  • You're not being over sensitive. Your son wasn't being naughty, he just needs a little bit of help to understand 'socially acceptable' levels of excitement and volume. It's wrong of your friend to judge either you or your son when he is behaving the way he is due to a disability. People should be a bit more understanding! Honestly I was getting sideways glances from another mum this morning when I took my 5 year old to her swimming lesson and was waiting in the spectators room with my 2 year old who has global developmental delay. Her awareness of other people isn't the greatest and she'll try to climb over people's legs to get where she wants or will grab onto the backs of chairs as she's walking as she's only been walking properly for a week or two, obviously I supervise her and pick her up when she's about to do something though. I had a rather blunt response ready for that woman if she'd progressed to saying something, which luckily she didn't!

Reply

  • You're not being over sensitive. Your son wasn't being naughty, he just needs a little bit of help to understand 'socially acceptable' levels of excitement and volume. It's wrong of your friend to judge either you or your son when he is behaving the way he is due to a disability. People should be a bit more understanding! Honestly I was getting sideways glances from another mum this morning when I took my 5 year old to her swimming lesson and was waiting in the spectators room with my 2 year old who has global developmental delay. Her awareness of other people isn't the greatest and she'll try to climb over people's legs to get where she wants or will grab onto the backs of chairs as she's walking as she's only been walking properly for a week or two, obviously I supervise her and pick her up when she's about to do something though. I had a rather blunt response ready for that woman if she'd progressed to saying something, which luckily she didn't!

Children
  • in reply to Kitsune
    Oh Kitsun I have been on the receiving end of those glances.  It makes you feel so defencive, no wonder you were ready with a comeback.  Some people stop and stare, plus I've had comments and even laughing aimed at us. It's heartbreaking.
    Only once has somebody approached me with sympathy and support.  She had 3 special needs children of her own, such a wonderful woman.  If only more people had her attitude.