• Replies 7 replies
  • Subscribers 69 subscribers
  • Views 2803 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Taking things personally

NAS63253

hi there, 

im new to this site. My 11 yr old son is in the process of being assessed for ASD. Now I know the traits of high functioning ASD / Asperger I recognise  My partner of 30 years probably is also on the spectrum. I have loads of questions!!!!! One that came up tonight... is it a trait of ASD to take things personally and not be able to laugh at yourself ? Given I’m now aware of these traits during a conversation tonight, which was very light hearted my husband basically took the huff because he didn’t know what a phrase was. I couldn’t understand why he was in a huff about it. He says he feels like I’m laughing at him. And is annoyed with himself which makes him worse. We were able to talk about it which was good. So is not being able to laugh at yourself a trait ? And does anyone have any suggestions as to how this situation can be managed without turning into an argument? 

Parents

  • If your husband has ASD, then it's very likely that he's been bullied in the past so has his guard up against being made foolish.    It's also very hard for us to work out people's true intentions (a reason why we get bullied) so you may have triggered past memories of that bullying and he's confused because he wouldn't be expecting you to do that.

    The huff is his way of disguising his hurt - it's easier to look annoyed than frightened or stupid.

  • in reply to Plastic

    Thanks for this. It makes sense as He was bullied as a child. Knowing now he may have ASD explains a lot. A common response after a heated discussion is that “ it doesn’t process “ 

    What advice would you suggest to help ? Like that example. So even though time and time again I’ve told him it’s not personal or opinions are allowed and not an attack he will initially have same reaction. Which I’m thinking won’t change however what could help him recognise that person isn’t trying to be mean ? 

  • in reply to NAS63253
    NAS63253 said:

    Thanks for this. It makes sense as He was bullied as a child. Knowing now he may have ASD explains a lot. A common response after a heated discussion is that “ it doesn’t process “ 

    What advice would you suggest to help ? Like that example. So even though time and time again I’ve told him it’s not personal or opinions are allowed and not an attack he will initially have same reaction. Which I’m thinking won’t change however what could help him recognise that person isn’t trying to be mean ?

    In The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome, by Tony Attwood, which you can buy for just under £20, or get free by PDF using the following link:

    http://www.autismforthvalley.co.uk/files/5314/4595/7798/Attwood-Tony-The-Complete-Guide-to-Aspergers-Syndrome.pdf

    Social Understanding and Friendship is covered from page 67 to 106 ~ involving Humour from page 87, and Teasing and Bullying is covered from page 107 to 123.

    You may well find these subjects particularly informative, and the book as a whole particularly useful in general for all concerned quite possibly.

Reply
  • in reply to NAS63253
    NAS63253 said:

    Thanks for this. It makes sense as He was bullied as a child. Knowing now he may have ASD explains a lot. A common response after a heated discussion is that “ it doesn’t process “ 

    What advice would you suggest to help ? Like that example. So even though time and time again I’ve told him it’s not personal or opinions are allowed and not an attack he will initially have same reaction. Which I’m thinking won’t change however what could help him recognise that person isn’t trying to be mean ?

    In The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome, by Tony Attwood, which you can buy for just under £20, or get free by PDF using the following link:

    http://www.autismforthvalley.co.uk/files/5314/4595/7798/Attwood-Tony-The-Complete-Guide-to-Aspergers-Syndrome.pdf

    Social Understanding and Friendship is covered from page 67 to 106 ~ involving Humour from page 87, and Teasing and Bullying is covered from page 107 to 123.

    You may well find these subjects particularly informative, and the book as a whole particularly useful in general for all concerned quite possibly.

Children