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Aggression and defiance!

Kerry

Hi my son is 4 and just settling into reception, the process has really thrown him and although he is doing really well in school mornings are hell and it seems like the second we get in he starts with aggressive and defiant behaviour, he won't use his potty in the afternoon he hits me, scratches me and pulls my hair, everything I ask of him is met with arguments and back chat physical aggression, mornings are just as bad, he won't come downstairs, has stopped eating breakfast cos he seems to think I won't send him to school if he doesn't eat, which is not true, and getting him dressed results in me being kicked etc I broke down in tears this afternoon as I had just had enough, he was upset by that and behaved after just don't think me crying every time he is like this is the answer, does anybody have any suggestions? 

Parents

  • Hi there, it is very hard for you I am sure and sometimes we have this too, my son is 8 and we have the same routine in the morning and it seems to be working.  The reason they react that way in the morning is that they know they have to go to school and conform with what is happening there, so for them its anxiety and then after school, is that they have had to sit at school and do everything they are asked to do and really struggle to stick to the rules that when they come home, they left off steam and home for them is the safest place for them to do that, unfortunately we take the brunt of it, but they have struggled all day with the noise, smells, touches etc that they so struggle with. 

    Our routine in the morning is that they get up they will watch tv till 7.00pm, my son gets up at 6.00am every morning and then 7.00 tv off and then breakfast and then get dressed for school etc, if he has enough time he will watch again a bit before going to school, if he plays up and takes his time, there is no tv.  Same sort of routine after school, I tend to give him an hour in the afternoon after school to just chill out and not ask him too many questions about his day and give him a snack let him just unwind for an hour and then we can do other things after that like homework, drawing, reading etc.  Seems to work with us.

    Be strong, I know it is so hard, but you are all they have.

Reply

  • Hi there, it is very hard for you I am sure and sometimes we have this too, my son is 8 and we have the same routine in the morning and it seems to be working.  The reason they react that way in the morning is that they know they have to go to school and conform with what is happening there, so for them its anxiety and then after school, is that they have had to sit at school and do everything they are asked to do and really struggle to stick to the rules that when they come home, they left off steam and home for them is the safest place for them to do that, unfortunately we take the brunt of it, but they have struggled all day with the noise, smells, touches etc that they so struggle with. 

    Our routine in the morning is that they get up they will watch tv till 7.00pm, my son gets up at 6.00am every morning and then 7.00 tv off and then breakfast and then get dressed for school etc, if he has enough time he will watch again a bit before going to school, if he plays up and takes his time, there is no tv.  Same sort of routine after school, I tend to give him an hour in the afternoon after school to just chill out and not ask him too many questions about his day and give him a snack let him just unwind for an hour and then we can do other things after that like homework, drawing, reading etc.  Seems to work with us.

    Be strong, I know it is so hard, but you are all they have.

Children
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