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Aggression and defiance!

Kerry

Hi my son is 4 and just settling into reception, the process has really thrown him and although he is doing really well in school mornings are hell and it seems like the second we get in he starts with aggressive and defiant behaviour, he won't use his potty in the afternoon he hits me, scratches me and pulls my hair, everything I ask of him is met with arguments and back chat physical aggression, mornings are just as bad, he won't come downstairs, has stopped eating breakfast cos he seems to think I won't send him to school if he doesn't eat, which is not true, and getting him dressed results in me being kicked etc I broke down in tears this afternoon as I had just had enough, he was upset by that and behaved after just don't think me crying every time he is like this is the answer, does anybody have any suggestions? 

Parents

  • Hi,

    I've just joined the forum today, as our son, has only just received a all but firm diagnosis of ASD, with a side order of ADHD.

    I feel for you and  Mark, now nearly 8 has adopted these tactics of a school morning and used manipulative and violent behaviour.  It was as if reading about myself.  I would be exhausted and breaking into a sweat just managing to get him dressed and tustling with him and 'negotiating', just to be able to get him to school and thus, get myself to work. Mark would kick, punch, spit and scratch me in the process.  Now he is nearly 8 and so very strong and the pre school routine is more affixed in his routine, cognitively, he is less violent.

    Pre school routine:

    We get Mark dressed, whilst he is still in bed and he is still dopey and all floppy, then he comes down to breakfast.

    Agree totally with the 'bribary' approach as it has worked and nothing else has.  The carrot and stick approach... I would promise a trip to the play park, straight after school, a ride inthe front of the car.  Mark could never, still cannot verbalise what used to, or still does deter him from wanting to go to school.   

    Thinking back.... the transition to primary school threw Mark's world upside down and it did take 2 terms for him to settle in. 

    We have an older daughter, 11 years of age and life is hell for her sometimes.  She has a scar on one of her cheeks when he lashed out at her on a driving holiday through France, 4 years ago.  I sit in the back of the car on all car jouneys, as if a child, in order to separate Mark from Julia and they take it in strict turns to sit up front, with Dad.

    Good luck, it is awful I know.  You are a great Mum, trying your very best with a very, very difficult situation that others do NOT understand.  This is why I have joined the forum, to glean advice and try to help others.  Clare. xx

Reply

  • Hi,

    I've just joined the forum today, as our son, has only just received a all but firm diagnosis of ASD, with a side order of ADHD.

    I feel for you and  Mark, now nearly 8 has adopted these tactics of a school morning and used manipulative and violent behaviour.  It was as if reading about myself.  I would be exhausted and breaking into a sweat just managing to get him dressed and tustling with him and 'negotiating', just to be able to get him to school and thus, get myself to work. Mark would kick, punch, spit and scratch me in the process.  Now he is nearly 8 and so very strong and the pre school routine is more affixed in his routine, cognitively, he is less violent.

    Pre school routine:

    We get Mark dressed, whilst he is still in bed and he is still dopey and all floppy, then he comes down to breakfast.

    Agree totally with the 'bribary' approach as it has worked and nothing else has.  The carrot and stick approach... I would promise a trip to the play park, straight after school, a ride inthe front of the car.  Mark could never, still cannot verbalise what used to, or still does deter him from wanting to go to school.   

    Thinking back.... the transition to primary school threw Mark's world upside down and it did take 2 terms for him to settle in. 

    We have an older daughter, 11 years of age and life is hell for her sometimes.  She has a scar on one of her cheeks when he lashed out at her on a driving holiday through France, 4 years ago.  I sit in the back of the car on all car jouneys, as if a child, in order to separate Mark from Julia and they take it in strict turns to sit up front, with Dad.

    Good luck, it is awful I know.  You are a great Mum, trying your very best with a very, very difficult situation that others do NOT understand.  This is why I have joined the forum, to glean advice and try to help others.  Clare. xx

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