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Aggression and defiance!

Kerry

Hi my son is 4 and just settling into reception, the process has really thrown him and although he is doing really well in school mornings are hell and it seems like the second we get in he starts with aggressive and defiant behaviour, he won't use his potty in the afternoon he hits me, scratches me and pulls my hair, everything I ask of him is met with arguments and back chat physical aggression, mornings are just as bad, he won't come downstairs, has stopped eating breakfast cos he seems to think I won't send him to school if he doesn't eat, which is not true, and getting him dressed results in me being kicked etc I broke down in tears this afternoon as I had just had enough, he was upset by that and behaved after just don't think me crying every time he is like this is the answer, does anybody have any suggestions? 

Parents

  • i have seen a few autistics, and my partner included, say they work better and are more likely to 'comply' if they have a reason to, ie something positive in it for them

    is this bribary? yes, but does it work? yes, and thats what matters

    forget all the typical 'oh you shouldnt bribe people to do soemthing blah blah' it doesnt matter here, 'polite pc social decorum' is the least helpful thing with autism, you do what you have to to keep everybody happy in these situations

    so you find something he will enjoy/like, and will see as worth doing what you ask for and say, 'if you eat i will give/get you this/that', 'if you go to school i will give you this' etc

    also if there are any problems, try to ask him what it is, it sounds like he might have a reason not to want to go to school, be it the lights, noises, people, food, whatever, try to find out why hes doing this

Reply

  • i have seen a few autistics, and my partner included, say they work better and are more likely to 'comply' if they have a reason to, ie something positive in it for them

    is this bribary? yes, but does it work? yes, and thats what matters

    forget all the typical 'oh you shouldnt bribe people to do soemthing blah blah' it doesnt matter here, 'polite pc social decorum' is the least helpful thing with autism, you do what you have to to keep everybody happy in these situations

    so you find something he will enjoy/like, and will see as worth doing what you ask for and say, 'if you eat i will give/get you this/that', 'if you go to school i will give you this' etc

    also if there are any problems, try to ask him what it is, it sounds like he might have a reason not to want to go to school, be it the lights, noises, people, food, whatever, try to find out why hes doing this

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