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can't control son's it use

NAS11546

My 15 year old son is on the spectrum and also has learning difficulties. He is verbal but largely non-compliant but is obsessed with having or using technology.

We have, as a family drawn up a family agreement which we have all signed confirming our agreement and laminated however, an instance has arisen whereby he has posted vlogs online and on youtube of his brothers and cousin rollerskating this weekend whilst we were all away together. this is not the first such instance.

we regularly check their devices but he is prone to deleting his search history and has accounts in differing names or profile pictures which aren't his. we are struggling to make him realise that he can't do this but are also desperate to keep the balance of control to keep him safe and treating him as a young adult.

any ideas or experience?

Parents

  • It's not clear what your concerns are.  If you think you are keeping him safe, then he's finding ways around your rules.  

    What are your fears?

  • in reply to Plastic

    My concern is 2 fold. Firstly that he is posting without consent and secondly that he is so savvy that I wonder what else he is doing that we are unaware off. 

    It is very hard to reason with him and he is renagging any rules. My instinct is to remove his phone and tablet but not really coherent for day to day life. He doesn't accept any responsibility for his actions

    We have had a previous instance of spying on his cousin whilst she was changing ando trying to take photos but we caught this on time. The upload on this occasion seems harmless enough but he clearly has no perception of what is and isn't acceptable and worried where it will end up. 

  • in reply to NAS11546

    You could always get him to show you how clever he is in the internet - give him some difficult tasks - get him to price up a fictional holiday including car hire, hotel, excursions etc. - show him the real uses of the internet. 

    Do you have any hobbies with hard-to-find parts?  Get him to price stuff up for you - if he's as savvy as you say, challenge him - he'll love it..

    If you were to buy a holiday home - where & why - get him to do some research.

    He will find porn - live with it.   It was dirty mags back in the day - just make sure he doesn't pay for anything or give his identity away or screw up the computer with viruses. Smiley

    I got a cheap computer from ebay with it's boot discs for my daughter so if she messed up, wipe the disc & start again - she could build a pc from scratch and load an operating system aged 8.

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  • in reply to NAS11546

    You could always get him to show you how clever he is in the internet - give him some difficult tasks - get him to price up a fictional holiday including car hire, hotel, excursions etc. - show him the real uses of the internet. 

    Do you have any hobbies with hard-to-find parts?  Get him to price stuff up for you - if he's as savvy as you say, challenge him - he'll love it..

    If you were to buy a holiday home - where & why - get him to do some research.

    He will find porn - live with it.   It was dirty mags back in the day - just make sure he doesn't pay for anything or give his identity away or screw up the computer with viruses. Smiley

    I got a cheap computer from ebay with it's boot discs for my daughter so if she messed up, wipe the disc & start again - she could build a pc from scratch and load an operating system aged 8.

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