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can't control son's it use

NAS11546

My 15 year old son is on the spectrum and also has learning difficulties. He is verbal but largely non-compliant but is obsessed with having or using technology.

We have, as a family drawn up a family agreement which we have all signed confirming our agreement and laminated however, an instance has arisen whereby he has posted vlogs online and on youtube of his brothers and cousin rollerskating this weekend whilst we were all away together. this is not the first such instance.

we regularly check their devices but he is prone to deleting his search history and has accounts in differing names or profile pictures which aren't his. we are struggling to make him realise that he can't do this but are also desperate to keep the balance of control to keep him safe and treating him as a young adult.

any ideas or experience?

Parents

  • It's not clear what your concerns are.  If you think you are keeping him safe, then he's finding ways around your rules.  

    What are your fears?

  • in reply to Plastic

    My concern is 2 fold. Firstly that he is posting without consent and secondly that he is so savvy that I wonder what else he is doing that we are unaware off. 

    It is very hard to reason with him and he is renagging any rules. My instinct is to remove his phone and tablet but not really coherent for day to day life. He doesn't accept any responsibility for his actions

    We have had a previous instance of spying on his cousin whilst she was changing ando trying to take photos but we caught this on time. The upload on this occasion seems harmless enough but he clearly has no perception of what is and isn't acceptable and worried where it will end up. 

  • in reply to NAS11546

    If he is as good with tech as you say it will be difficult to find out what he is up to

    I can't really offer any advice on how to achieve it but you need to get him to understand consent and what he can/can't post online, have you spoken to him with interest in what he is posting as this may give you a way to cover some of the safety/privacy problems 

    The issue of him spying and taking pictures I think needs addressing as a separate issue as that us clearly crossing boundaries. Did you talk to him about why he did it? Or just stop him and tell him it's wrong, understanding what he was thinking could be used to explain why it's not acceptable.

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  • in reply to NAS11546

    If he is as good with tech as you say it will be difficult to find out what he is up to

    I can't really offer any advice on how to achieve it but you need to get him to understand consent and what he can/can't post online, have you spoken to him with interest in what he is posting as this may give you a way to cover some of the safety/privacy problems 

    The issue of him spying and taking pictures I think needs addressing as a separate issue as that us clearly crossing boundaries. Did you talk to him about why he did it? Or just stop him and tell him it's wrong, understanding what he was thinking could be used to explain why it's not acceptable.

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