Hi all
At what age should we tell our younger daughter (who is 6 and neurotypical) that her older sister (who is nearly 14) has Asperger's?
We are having big upsets between the two of them at the moment.
The older one (call her 'Alice') was diagnosed with mild AS about 5 years ago. She is very intelligent, top classes at school, but has no empathy and her speech can often sound aggresive or antagonistic.
As a consequence, our younger daughter (call her 'Harriet'), who is extremely empathic and emotional, can become very upset at the way that Alice talks to her.
It isn't helping now that Alice has taken to trying to 'protect' her sister by parroting the things that we, as parents, say, such as: "don't fall over" or "pick that thing up that you left on the floor so nobody steps on it". But from Alice they just sound like angry orders!
This, of course, upsets Harriet, who wonders why she is being shouted at. Cue the tears and wailing.
Which in turn upsets Alice, who can't understand Harriet's reaction.
My wife then usually tries to calm Harriet down, whilst I try to explain her reaction to Alice.
The whole problem is compounded by Alice's utter refusal to believe that there is even such as thing as Asperger's Syndrome, let alone that she might have it.
This means we can't talk to her about how people react to her voice. Or about anything she does that might upset people (usually it's just us at home, as she is 'on her best behaviour' at school, but doesn't have to be at home - by her own admission.) We end up just managing the fallout.
Do any of you out there have an opinion about whether now would be the right time to let Harriet (the 6 year old) know that her sister is 'different', and explain to her about AS?
She is very intelligent, and would almost certainly accept without any worries at all (particularly since we've been avidly watching the Paralympics and she is very understanding about the many ways people can be 'different').
We just want Harriet to not be upset by her older sister. We can see her confidence starting to be knocked...
Any help or advice would be welcome!
