ASD Son & Custody Advice

Hi. My adult ASD son left his partner. Their son is 2. The boy is with mum till custody is sorted out. We told him they should have equal shared care. His ex has big problems and takes advantage of him. I want to get some advice from an Autism counsellor as I think he may forego some of his parental rights without realising he wont get them back. Anybody know of such a service?

  • Yeah, it seems to be the way with our kids, they tend to not listen to us at the best of times  but if he is able to connect with somebody else, an independent party, hopefully they will be able to help him see that he perhaps needs to take a less emotional approach for the sake of securing his rights to his son. I'm very naive and I have had people telling me this all my life, but I've only just got it, so hopefully he won't take as long as me to realise that sometimes we do need to be a little tougher, as difficult as that can be for us sometimes.

    And yeah, I think the most important thing with support, is in the connection and that the person is able to really listen and hear the person and with autism, I think it's about gently introducing the possibility of seeing things from other perspectives as well and making sure they know it isn't saying that their perspective is wrong, because it isn't, but that there are usually more than one way to view it. It's good that you have his back and if you do get a worker who isn't too familiar with autism, you could probably help them out with that. 

  • Thanks ill try those things. You're right, just having someone understand and explain things - probably exact same things I'm saying but he tends not to listen to his dad or me much even though we're in tune with him. He'd rather trust the ex who has ruined things for him. 

  • That was helpful. Because there is a specific Care Order in place it's going through social workers for now unless they cannot agree. My son doesn't want to go back to court and all the ex has to do is keep disagreeing until he caves in just to avoid court. Legal advice might help even though it's not necessary at this point. Thanks!

  • I know the relationship people, ‘relate’, have a lot of experience with working with people on the spectrum. They might be a good place to start. They offer several different ways of offering their services as well, such as online counselling and I think they might offer email support as well.  You don’t have to be part of a couple either, to get counselling from them. 

    They may not be what you’re looking for, but you could have a chat to them and if they can’t help, they might be able to sign post you somewhere else. 

    The main NAS web site also has a help line which might also be useful. I think they might have a list of services that are available across the country, although I’m not certain about that, but again, if they can’t help directly, they might know where to sign post you. 

    Other than that, my only suggestion would be to have a search on line for specialist services. However, you don’t always need specialist autism support. My first support worker knew little to nothing about autism, but she was still really great. I think it depends more on the person, whether they’re able to form a connection with you/your son and what the challenges are. 

    Autism Plus, who currently support me, also work with individuals around relationships/understanding relationships etc so it also might be worth contacting them. Good luck. 

  • I an sorry I don't know of such counsellors. I  hope somebody will be here soon to give some specific pointers.

    But I would think you need to use the main process whereby custody is decided and the channels and resources within it. Have you tried getting legal advice? Legal aid? Maybe you need some psychological assessments to demonstrate what the problem is with the ex. Essentially you need to support your son to act in his interests via dedicated channels.